Solo woman traveler: Aren't you afraid?

Often one of the first things people ask me when I say I'm traveling alone is: aren't you afraid?
Depending on the culture, a woman traveling alone is at least unusual.
I will tell you a secret: I used to be afraid. A lot!
More than afraid I should say I was often very anxious.
Anxiety has its roots in fear but what I was feeling in my body I would describe as anxiety.

What are my fears as solo traveler?

I did already travel alone other times.
Not in a van, not completely in the wild nature tho.
I mostly stayed in cities or at least villages.
In the past, I never experience this anxiety nor any kind of fear (except in some specific situations) so I start to wonder... Why was I so anxious during this solo travel in a van? What was I so afraid of?

I start to mentally list the situations that made me fearful or anxious:

• I was afraid of the car breaking down and that I would not be able to recognize how bad the damage is or not make it in time to go to the mechanic and therefore get stuck in the middle of nowhere, without the possibility to get help.
• I was afraid of getting stuck with my van on a small road and not being able to get out of that road anymore. I was so angry at myself for fearing this because going on little side roads and exploring the unknown is exactly the kind of experience that often leads me to beautiful secluded places. The only thing that was holding me back from experience those moments, was me! Argh!!
• I was also afraid of police coming by and "scolding" me for being in an area where I was not allowed to be.

Looking at all those fearful situations with a bit of distance, I realize what made me anxious was general unexpected troubles.
It scared me the idea of dealing with something that I was not prepared to deal with and I also had no energy to deal with.
Another important bit of all the story was to recall that while I was traveling with a partner, I almost didn't have those fears.
Of course, traveling with someone else gives strength. If I cannot fix the situation maybe the other person will know how to do it. Or at least can help.
This made me realize another bigger fear: Not being able to get support when I needed it.
The dear old fear of being alone, right?

Recognizing my fears

So what did it change, how did I overcome those fears?
Human connection!
I don't have to forget that if this society exalts individuality, the truth is that we are social animals and we feel safer and have more chances to survive when we are in groups.
I start talking with other travelers and ask about their experiences.
Without much of a surprise man solo travelers (I didn't meet a woman solo traveler yet) told me they neverWhich made me realize: experience those fears. They had some fears, of course, who doesn't but not as much as I did.

A friend shared with me how he overcomes his fear while doing the Camino.
He suggested I embrace my fears.
I love and hate those kinds of advice. What the hell exactly means to "embrace my fears"? Is there some kind of step-by-step book on how to do it?
The only thing I knew is that I felt fear in my body.
So I started from there.

When I was feeling afraid of a specific situation, I was taking a moment and feeling the fear in my body and just stay still and experience it.
Then I meditate on what exactly is behind all of these little fears:
Fear of dying. Was a big one.
Also, fear of being alone.
In the end, we always come back to those primitive fears.

Overcoming the fear of dying

I overcome the fear of dying mostly just with the realization of it.
From that moment on, whenever I feel anxious I take a moment, take a deep breath and ask myself, how many chances there are that I'm gonna die now? How many chances that I'm gonna seriously hurt myself?
Most of the time the answer is: none.
If the answer is: "many!" but I still really want to do the thing that made me feel like that, the next question is: Would I be happy if I would die today?
And most of the time the answer is yes.
I have no regrets in my life and I know I would die being happy.

Overcoming the fear of being alone

About the fear of being alone, well, I just stop to believe I must do everything alone.
For a long time, I was convinced that I must do everything by myself. That was for various reasons like the need to feel independent to feel accomplished, demonstrate to others that I can do it, not wanting to bother others, fear the contact with new people, ...
I kept sharing my fears with other travelers and I discover that people do crazy stuff like crossing ten different countries hitchhiking or host random strangers they just met in a street...
I realize out there there are a lot of good people, people that just want to connect or keep doing their things.
Basically, if I approach people with an open heart and trust my intuition (you need to know how to listen to your gut before, but once it's done, go for it!), is very unlikely I will end up in a weird situation.

Listening to my instinct: a practical example

One day while I was driving around looking for a place to spend the night and I saw a man hitchhiking.
As soon as I saw this person, I felt the urge to stop by and give him a ride.
I never gave a ride to someone hitchhiking before.
I never gave a ride to a complete stranger for any other reason before.
I grow up with the teaching to not give confidence to unknown people.
Absolutely to not let a complete stranger come in my car, even worst if he is a man and I'm alone. We all know how all those horror movies end up, right?
Yet, something inside of me told me to stop.

Recently I met other travelers that told me about the beauty of traveling hitchhiking, I value those people as kind and curious.
And mostly, as very normal people that enjoy travel in this particular way; some because of budget reason, others because of the special connection generates between people that share such a deep act of trust. None of them because they wanted to harm others.

While I was looking for a space to stop my car, all kind of fears starts to arise in my mind:
"What if he is gonna try to harm me?"
"What if he is gonna try to have sex with me?"
"What if he will steal my stuff?"
"What if he is annoying/smell bad/don't speak any English/..."
"Am I crazy, I know I don't have to do this kind of stuff!"
"If he will kill me, is my fault and I cannot complain"
Well, I couldn't complain anyway because I would be dead but you got the gist.
I realize those thoughts starting to come up in my mind and I immediately recognize them as fears.
I labeled them as fear and let them "die" in my head.

My instinct was still there, strong and clear: I want to stop and help this person.
So did I. And I met an amazing traveler which we discovered to have lots of things in common.
We end up spending three days together and he shared with me lots of great tips and connections about the place I was heading next.
Thanks to this connection I made many others later on my trip.
But mostly, I got a new friend.

Just to be clear, is not always like that.
I also had situations where I interacted with nice and helpful people which they invited me for a beer/coffee/whatever with them and I kindly declined.
Sometimes, regardless of the situation appearing safe or not, my instinct says "no" and I trust is good to listen to my fears. And that's what I do.

Travelers find always a solution!

The last important sharing from other travelers was listening to people telling stories where they had to turn 7m vans on a border of a cliff or when they ended up in a very steep little road with no exit and needed to go back in reverse gear...
in the end, they made it, they are fine and they didn't die. It wasn't easy but they handle the situation.
Which made me realize:

A. There is always a way to solve the situation. No panic! Slowly, slowly everything will get solved. Maybe it will take me 100 little turns to move the van and 2 hours but I will manage it.

B. There is always plan B which is: asking for help. There will be very likely someone around to help, a mechanic or a tow truck to call.
Yeah, it will be annoying, I will lose time and spend money BUT I will not die! And I will not handle the situation completely alone.

In a nutshell, how I overcome my fears:

To wrap up, I start to overcome my fears with introspective work and connection with like-minded people.

I now believe in the process, believe that life will bring me what I most need at that moment.

I also start to believe I'm the person that knows better what is best for me. Not others, me, and my gut feeling!