Recently I moved from solo-vanlifer to couple-vanlifer.
While traveling alone, lots of people I either know or met on my journey told me how brave I was for traveling alone with a van and how traveling as a couple would be easier.
With a bit of surprise, I often got this feedback from couples traveling in a van too.
Digging a bit more in this comment, I discovered that the main concern is not about practical issues like taking care of mechanical problems or fear of someone breaking in but rather about having emotional support. Emotional support mostly on those days when the absence of friends and family around or the lack of commodities (a comfy sofa, a Netflix night without worrying about battery level) comes to knock at the door. In my experience, this is a common feeling among full-time travelers.
Lots of travelers I talked with find it very supportive to have someone hug them during those melancholic days and remind them this is the life they wanted, with its ups and downs.
Personally, I learned how to overcome those melancholic moments.  
I believe the capacity of providing support for myself instead of relying on someone else emotional support is a fundamental step in order to achieve freedom and have healthy relationships.
What if I feel down and need support but the other person is busy? Or maybe the other person is feeling down too?
Of course, I still find it very helpful to have, on top of my own support, someone else supports but it has to come more as a gift than as a dependency.
I quickly realize that the issue other travelers see in a solo-traveling is not (anymore) an issue for me, but the idea of sharing a tiny space with another person was challenging instead of comforting.

To me, privacy and personal space are very important.
Romantically speaking I never enjoyed being constantly in contact, walking hand in hand(sometimes is ok), or hugging often. When I share the bed with someone I need my space; I do like to have some light contact like hands or feet touching but definitely not to sleep hugging or with the head of someone on my shoulder and similar positions.
Mentally speaking, I also often need my space. I get angry, annoyed, or lonely and I need some time for myself to reflect and process these feelings.
How could I have all of this space while living all day, all the time in a small space with someone else?

What it means to share a tiny space

Most of the information I have found about living in a van with a partner refers to sharing intimate moments like getting undressed in front of each other or sharing a toilette routine.
I think there is much more to take into consideration before going to live in a van with someone.

A little note about  sharing a toilette routine:
A toilette routine doesn't mean simply your partner having a clear idea of all your bowel movements but much more!
If you have a bathroom in your van, be aware your partner will hear you (and possibly smell it) while doing it, and no, you can't always ask him/her to wait outside. What if is raining or is very cold.
If you don't have a bathroom there are so many different ways how you will potentially share this natural moment with your partner.
It might be just about seeing you going out with a shovel and tissues, or maybe your partner will keep an eye that nobody comes close while you doing it but can also be feeling free to fart whenever you need to or even your partner seeing you peeing in a bottle at night (I don't have experience with it but many vanlifer uses this method).
I think is important for people considering go living in a van together to have a clear idea of what sharing a toilette routine means. So here it is.

Anyway in my experience sharing a tiny space with someone includes those fundamental moments:

• Being constantly in the way of the other person - The space to walk is small; if one wants to go on the other side of the van is very likely that will physically touch the other.
• Asking consense to do even basic stuff like make a coffee or lay on the bed - In my van, the couch and the bed are the same piece of furniture that needs to be transformed, therefore if one is sitting on the couch and the other wants to lay in the bed, this means to ask the consense of the other in making the bed and in both willing to lying instead of sitting.
  Based on the internal design of the van there will be more or less of these moments but there will be always some operations that need both people's consense.
• Waking up and going to sleep most likely at the same time. - I often wake up before my partner while he still sleeps. In the evening is often the opposite, I fall asleep first while he is still active for an hour or so. So, this is not impossible but needs some coordination between the two and it cannot last long. At one point the two need to be on the same page to freely move in the van.
  This means also don't get angry/upset if one of the two unintentionally wakes up the other, maybe while cooking or just standing up earlier.  
• Sharing most of your phone conversation/audio messages and earing the ones of your partner (lucky you if you don't understand the language of your partner!)
• Agree all the time on watching the same show or deal with watching something whit headphones or while listening to your partner's audio in the background.

A crucial lesson I learned is that living in a van doesn't just mean sharing physical space, it means also sharing emotional space and having fewer chances to sweep problems under the carpet.
I judge this to be such an important topic to consider or at least be aware of before moving with someone in a small space.
This is what it means for me to share an emotional small space:

• Be able to still share physical space while taking "alone time". - If you need some alone time and you are near a beautiful beach with 25deg is easy to take some alone time while going for a walk.
  But what if the outside is -10deg? Or is raining? Or even simply you are not in the mood to go out?
  Is important to feel safe (safe here means to feel comfortable and not obligate) to stay some time in silence or to put your headphone on without being verbally in contact with the other person.
  For some people is very difficult while feeling angry or upset or even just sad toward someone, to share a physical space with him/her. Their anger or sadness will increase and any small movement could be a reason to explode.
  Being able to still share physical space while not verbally communicating with your partners means being able to not explode or make a drama out of small, unrelated actions. (i.e. accidentally crush a foot)
• Being ALWAYS available for your partner even when there is some tension or one of the two needs alone time. - Whenever I have a discussion with my partner and we need some time alone before being able to communicate again, we are still able to have basic communication (i.e. Do you wanna eat now? Can we make the bed? We need to refill the water). No total silent treatment is served, ever.
• Being able to solve the conflict in a reasonable short time. - Being angry in a tiny space is no fun. And, as already said, we constantly ask consense for basic needs for us is no fun and mentally draining to do it while being angry at each other.
• Being able to share my mental process and know the other will be there for me and he will not jump to conclusions or freak out.
  When I feel afraid or angry (afraid in this case means concerned, worried or just not comfortable) about something my partner said or did, I want to be able to freely share what's going on in my body and mind (you know, when you keep talking to your self in your mind) with my partner knowing he will not freak out and stop talking with me or being passive-aggressive or acting childish.
  ps. Expressing myself doesn't mean shouting or insulting my partner. First, we need to learn how to properly feel our body and express ourselves in a non-violent but still releasing way. (If you want to know more check out Radical Honesty or most of the Somatic practics.)

I believe some of these points are relevant for any living situation but even more when sharing a small space.
When we are calm and relaxed, is easy to deal with a conflict. A walk outside, boxing, or jogging are ways to calm down, reflect, and be open again to communicate with the other person.
Living in a small space means being able to solve conflicts or deal with uncomfortable situations even without the luxury of these options or at least while compromising them.

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Available vs unavailable person

So far I shared my daily life in a van with two people. One was an unavailable person and the other was available.
Even if the level of love was pretty high in both relationships, the unavailability of a person resulted in a huge challenge in sharing mental and physical space.

The other day I saw an Instagram post from @realdepressionproject which said:
"The right person for you won't think your basic needs are 'too much' to be met."

I think this sentence is beautiful for its capacity to actually explain how to find the right person.
We often heard people saying "Is not the right person for you" but what does that really mean?
In my opinion, the right person is the person to whom we feel attracted and he/she doesn't find our needs being "too much".
Relationships are a deal we make with other people.
There are of course thousands of different relationships and deals you can make with your partner(s) but the basics of any healthy relationship are: "I'm ok with your needs and wants and I'm happy to meet them and support you. If any of your needs are too much for me, I will clearly tell you instead of making you feel guilty/ashamed and we will see together if we can compromise on it."

When a person is emotionally unavailable, can easily make the other person feel like their needs are too much.  
When I shared my space with an unavailable person, all my basics needs were too much.
And probably, his basic needs were too much for me too.
His need for alone time meant staying alone for a day or two, a length of time that for me was too much while living in a van.
His need for an alone time didn't include any kind of communication for hours, again a length of time that for me was too much.
This often made me feel lonely, sad, and angry.
And probably my need of communicating was too much for him too. He probably thought I was needy for wanting his attention so early.
I often felt I was too needy or I thought I should be able to be more independent. When instead it was my basic need to have my partner available for me at that specific moment.  
His needs for space required complete physical distance for a period of time that was again, way too much for me.
Sometimes we went to sleep angry at each other trying to not physically touch each other otherwise a thunderstorm would have arisen.
Some people can deal with that, some people also are completely ok in sleeping physically separate.
To me is a huge issue. I realize that I don't need contact over the night but the idea of sleeping trying to not touch the other, is incredibly uncomfortable for me.

When I share a small space with an available person, all of these challenges fall naturally into place. Everything became suddenly so easy.
This is not because "we are so lucky" but is because my needs are ok for him and his needs are ok for me too.
When we argue we both needs around the same amount of solo time and we both want to communicate and solve the conflict in the same modality. This is already a big help.
But it also means we are both available.
We are available to share our mental and physical space.
We are available to listen in a non-judgemental way to the other mental process.
We are constantly self-inquiring and sharing what is going on within us.
We are brave in sharing which fears we have regarding the relationships or our future, we are sharing what makes us angry about the other knowing the other will not explode or take it personally but will listen and try to make a better life for both.
And mostly we are in contact with ourselves, we can understand when we are feeling sad, down, angry or happy and we communicate this freely with others without waiting for the moment when we are not able to control our own verbal or physical reaction.

So are we super happy and we never argue?
On the contrary, this means we have lots of continuous little arguments or uncomfortable moments, like little fireworks that explode and die without harming anyone.
Instead of having a nuclear bomb once every 5 years that will destroy everything we built so far.

Conclusion

While living in a tiny space there is no time and literally no space to slowly drift apart from each other.
Living happily in a tiny space needs a constant effort from both to understand ourselves and hold space without pointing fingers at the other person.
If we are not willing to see our own monsters AND to act, fighting them, then it will be rather challenging to live in a small space with someone else.  

Albania is one of the countries where I found it more difficult to eat as a vegan. Both outside and at home.
I traveled in Albania from October 2021 to January 2022, for a month I traveled with my van from the north to the deepest south coast, I then explored the inland, mostly the south-east (Gjirokaster, Fier, Berat, ...). I then spent a month in Tirana and a month in the mountain town Korca, which is very close to the border with Greece and Macedonia.
In all this time I had access to a fully equipped kitchen since both my van and the flats I rented had this option.

Supermarkets in Albania

Supermarkets in Albania are probably your best bet to find some vegan supply.

Small shops

As in other Balkans countries, in Albania, there are many small shops that sell a bit of everything.
Some of them sell just snacks, some other slightly bigger sells a small selection of veggie and/or fruits and stuff like pasta, bread, milk and similar.
In most of these types of shops, you will not likely find vegan products.
Some of these small shops sell products from bigger supermarkets so I have been randomly lucky to find vegan products but is quite rare.

Greengrocery

There are a lot of greengroceries.
They sell only fruits and vegetables and often are products from villages, local markets, or even from their own garden (the very small ones). They usually have more tasteful and often cheaper veggies and fruits. Obviously, they are not ALL good, so you need to find your favorite one.
While traveling you will see many people selling fruits and veggies on the road. Very likely, these are products of their own garden, so if you are looking for something natural, local, and km 0, this is it.

Bigger markets

Supermarkets in Albania don't have many vegan products either.
Some of them will randomly offer 1 type of 1 brand of tofu or vegan biscuits but often is not a regular product they offer and it was always a bet to know what I was going to find in each supermarket.
The good thing is that Albania offers lots of Italian or German products and some of them are vegan, so I randomly found vegan biscuits, vegan croissants or apple pie, vegan cereals, and so on. But again, one or two products per supermarket and it might be the next week wasn't there anymore.

In bigger towns and cities, I mostly found vegan products in:

• Conad: Italian supermarkets chain. It has different vegan choices like milk, croissant or apple pie or some other kind of Italian breakfast, cereals of different kinds, tofu, ice cream or frozen burger. The bigger the shop is, the more vegan choice there is.
  My main problem with Conad is that is incredibly expensive and is easy to lose track of how much is going to spend. This is obviously relative and subjective but I found it to be expensive as a person used to live in Germany.
• Rossman: German drugstore chain that has many eco-friendly products like bamboo toothbrushes or bar shampoo. They also offer a small selection of packaged food.
  Here I found: Tofu of two kinds, vegan biscuits, energy balls, vegan bars, vegan milk, vegan cookies, vegan sauces and bread spreads, and similar products.

Bio shop or other alternative shops

Personally, I didn't find many bio or eco-shops in Albania.
In some bigger cities like Tirana and Shköder, I have seen many bio shops for hair and beauty products.
To me, seems that those places were selling beauty eco-products mostly because they are better for the skin. I didn't see anything that relate to a conscious choice.
In Tirana tho, I did quickly spotted a small alternative beauty and food shop. So who knows, maybe looking carefully around there are more. I didn't find any online, nor in designated apps like HappyCow.

Restaurants in Albania

Most of the time eating outside in Albania was hard.
The restaurants I have been to, didn't have any vegan options outside of salad and french fries.
Salads were often only one or two menu choices and both were very poor in regards to the number of ingredients (i.e. green salad + tomatoes).
In all the restaurants there is pasta, salads, potatoes or veggies but most of the time they are mixed with cheese, meat or cooked with butter.
In most of the cities people understand what vegan is, or at least they will tell you they get it and they are open to modifications. I often managed to get a pizza with just tomatoes
Unfortunately, I often got my order with cheese or other diary in it and I had to send it back to change it. This is happened more often then I like to admit.
Also, this happened while being with Albanian who were speaking in Albanian with the waiters so is definitely not a language barrier.

I want to point out I have been in Albania in a low season. It might be that in high season in the tourist area on the coast, the situation is better.

Traditional food

There is some traditional food that is vegan by nature. Is very few and often not so easy to find but there is.

• Stuffed peppers: Baked stuffed peppers with rice. Sooo good! In the very southeast, you can find also done with aubergine. Unfortunately, most of the places I have been that had this item on the menu, they told me they were out of stock that day.
• Wine leaves: Rice rolled in wine leaves. So simple, so good.
• Lakror: Is a kind of pie, traditionally from Korca and the area around it. It can be filled with different veggies and meat. There is one version that is with onion and tomatoes and is vegan. Very tasty and particular.
• Baklava: A layered pastry dessert made of filo pastry. Depending on where you go they could make them with or without butter. In Albania are mostly with butter, ask tho, sometimes you are lucky and find one without.
• Börek: This is a filled filo pastry from all the Middle Easter area with a variety of fillings, such as meat, cheese, spinach, or potatoes. In Albania tho, I mostly found it with meat or cheese and spinach. When I was asking about the type of Börek, they often told the spinach and cheese one was just spinach. 99% of the time was actually spinach and cheese.
  Unfrotuantely Börek in Albania are often backed with butter so you will need to ask each time if is backed with butter or not.
  It was definitely hard but I manage some times to find some filled with tomatoes and onions, just spinach or just tomatoes.

Tirana

Tirana is the capital and I felt the difference from any other place in Albania. More modern and with more choices.
Still there is no vegan-only restuarant in Tirana.
There are three vegetarian/vegan places (Veggies, Green And Protein, Happy Belly/Eat Smart) and about ten places that offer a decent selection of vegan dishes but they also sell meat and other food.
There are also random places like Morsi which offer a single vegan choice or can make the vegetarian dish, vegan.
Not often but I could find them.
Personally, I was rather disappointed by the vegetarian/vegan restaurants in Tirana, I judge them to be ok-ish, nothing impressive.
My favorites places were:  Chakra Jone, Teduaktu, Fabrika.

Sum up:

As I said, Albania was one of the countries where I struggle most to eat as vegan.
Sometimes I ate non-vegan food by mistake or because I had enough of discussing, changing, waiting for my food.
My diet was quite unbalanced and very simple (no fancy superfood, fancy protein or seeds).
Overall It was ok because I always had access to a kitchen and I simply cook lots of fresh vegetables.
I felt a bit sad to not be able to try out the traditional food and I think I miss an important part of the culture.

Anyway, I understood the gist and I never went to a restaurant super hungry.
I was also mentally prepare therefore when I had to ask to change my order without cheese or sausces as said million time, I was just having a laugh.

Recently I have seen "The Tinder Swindler", a documentary about a man who scams people pretending to be wealthy, rich, and powerful, building trust with them and ultimately faking some terrible threaten happening in his life for which he needs their economical support. This man left many people around the globe in great debt and economical struggle.
After watching this documentary I felt very sad. Sad for the human species.
In the documentary, one of the victims said: "How can you be so evil?" This sentence stuck with me. I agree with her.
Still, what mostly made me reflect was the victim's behavior.

Projecting

I kept thinking, why do these people fall for a guy like him?
Was it the money? The power?
Then I recall my personal experience and I got to the conclusion that they felt for him because he was the projection of what they wanted in their life but they THINK they couldn't get it. They think they need someone else to "save" them and give them what they are too afraid of getting by themselves. This is my interpretation.
This kind of "hoping" and "projecting" on others, often lead to co-dependent relationships. Relationships where we give to others the responsibility to make us happy. We outsource our happiness.

Co-dependency

I learned the hard way that we can all end up in a codependency relationship. I consider myself an independent, determined and brave person and most of the people I know would assert with this statement.
When I heard friends being in a codependent relationship I didn't understand how they could stay in such a relationship and I always thought I would never end up in such a situation because I value my freedom too much.
I value enormously the power of deciding on my own and not feeling tight to someone or something.
Also, authorities always have been an issue for me, I have difficulties accepting someone telling me what to do, even if I know is for my best.
Seems I was wrong tho, I did end up in a codependent relationship and now I know that everybody can slip into such a relationship. Easily!

I love traveling. I always did.  
I worked hard to get a job that would allow me to have economic stability, that would allow me to work remotely and that I'm passionate about it. Is not easy to get all of those things.
Still, I was finding myself over and over in relationships where I would feel trapped. My problem was often that my partner was not willing to travel with me. Not as much as I want, at least. I'm talking about traveling as a lifestyle.
I then realize that I was indeed very afraid of traveling by myself. I was afraid of taking the radical decision of letting everything go, changing the way of living that I was thought since I was little, letting go of certainties in my life. I was afraid of doing this step.
Therefore I was waiting for my partner to take this decision for me. I was keeping giving hints about it but don't fully push for it.
For example
me: "Let's go to xxx to live for a bit"
partner: "yeah but I have to work/reconstruct house/deal with my mum/... . Let's wait a bit more, ok?"
me: "oh ok, I see. Make sense" -> me not pushing.
I was not doing everything I could to get what I want and then I was blaming the other person for being what it stands between me and what I want. "He is the reason why I don't travel. If wasn't for him, I could have that life!"

Outsourcing our happiness

How this is connected to the documentary?
When we really want something in life which we are afraid of getting it and we wait for an external source to give it to us, is the moment when we fall for whatever gives us the impression we can have it.
Following my previous example of wanting to travel but being too afraid to do it by myself:  
When I was getting to know a new guy, we would talk about traveling and the guy would say something like: "I really love traveling, I love camping, so cool you have a van. I would love to travel and explore the world together."
I was hanging on to that sentence, ignoring any other signals that would tell me that that person is not someone who would pick travel as a lifestyle because I desperately want to find someone that would finally make my dream come true.

And here it is how easy it is to go for the "wrong person".
Whenever we have these feelings of "getting saved" or someone finally giving to us what we couldn't have so far, is time to stop and ask ourselves:

• Why cannot I get that myself?
• What holds me back in getting this?

Until we are not honest with ourselves about what we really want in life and what stops us to get that, we will hardly find the right people to have around us.

Self-honesty: the solution

Once during a speed dating, I heard a woman saying: "I'm looking for a rich and handsome man."
I respect that woman a lot. She is very clear with herself and therefore with others too.
She likes to be economically safe and she wants someone she finds attractive next to her. And is has no shame or sense of guilt in saying that.
We often pretend we don't want someone rich, handsome or powerful because of society, history or family pressure.
We grow up with the teaching that we need to focus on souls rather than external aspects otherwise we are labeled as superficial.
This is true to a certain extent and there is no shame in saying we are attracted by a person for how it is inside and outside.
There is no shame in looking for someone that gives us economical security, neither is shameful to say we enjoy an expensive lifestyle.
Everybody is different and enjoy different stuff, is much more important to be clear with ourselves about what we really like and want.
This woman will not fall for a guy that pretends to be rich but is not.
As soon as the guy will show that he is not what she wants, she will clearly communicate it: "Sorry, but this is not what I'm looking for."
Which is what I should have done too. "Sorry, I want someone that travels. If you don't come with me, I cannot stay here with you."
Of course, this is an oversimplification. Real-life is a bit more complicated, in particular when we love someone.
Is ok to try out a bit and see if the other person really cannot give us what we want or just need a bit of time or a little push but at one point we need to be clear to ourselves and to the other person and say: "I want XXX and I want it in this modality, in this range of time. Can you give me that?"
If the answer is no (and the answer can be also non-verbal), is time to be strong, go through some pain now then lots of confusion and pain later.
If you really love that person and cannot move away, is time to go back to yourself and understand if you can drop your dream and wants for a life with this person, without future regrets or blaming.

Conclusion

When I am projecting my wants and dream on others, is not so easy to realize it but now I know I can always ask myself these questions:

• What I cannot compromise with a partner or friend?
• Am I honest with myself or am I pretending to be "a good girl/good daughter/independent woman/strong woman/..."? And remind me this answer is for my own good, not to show others I can be/do "XYZ".
• Could I achieve the same (lifestyle or goal) without this person?
  If the answer to this question is no, I would take a good look at why I not. If I don't, I would probably end up in a codependent relationship where I put all the pressure and responsibility of my dreams on someone else.
  

Recently in my life I partecipated to different consense workshops.
There I learn that is always possible to say no.
First time I hear of it I thought:
"Ok, this is not for me. I have no problem saying no."
I never got in a situation where someone took advantages of me, I never have been in a dangerous situation.
If I don't like someone, I just clearly say and that's it. So nothing to learn for me here.
After the workshops I learn that there are so many subtle situations where I didn't even know I didn't say no, but I did.
The consense workshops I joined are mostly about intimacy.
One of the most common example that made me realize I often didn't say no is: Being with someone you like, feeling attraction, get to the point of almost have sex and then for whatever reason don't feel to have sex anymore.
This situation happened to me so many times.
And I often thought I couldn't speak up my mind and just say "I don't feel it anymore" because, well, we got to this point so the other person will be upset/angry/feeling fooled.. or the worst, the other person is so horny that will not agree on stopping.
This made me realize how many other times I didn't say no in my life, like when I go to a social situation and I spend hours listening to people I don't care what they are saying just because I don't want to be unpolite/I don't want them to feel upset.

I'm very happy I did those workshops and learned about saying no, boundaries and consense.
This made me realize lots of different situations in which I was not respecting my boundaries and ending up in uncomfortable situations which left me less happy and more distrustful.
I'm very happy I did those workshops before starting to travel fulltime as a solo woman since I now know my limits, how to listen to myself and therefore I avoid ending up in uncomfortable situations.

Feeling safe with strangers

It happened to me more than once that I talk with random man in the street.
Sometimes It happens that the conversation starts as a nice exchange and at one point I feel it moves to something different, I feel those men start to have a sexual interest in me. And I'm not interested. I also have the feeling they are not the kind of people that are happy to get a "no". (doesn't mean they are gonna be violent towards me, it just means they will make it stressful for me to leave the situation).
This is the typical situation why many people would say solo woman travel is not a good idea.
As soon as I have this feeling in my gut, a feeling that something isn't going in the direction I'm expecting, I take distance from the situation.
I thank the other person for the time spent with me and say I need to go or I need to be alone.
Some of them aren't very happy, some of them look at me weirdly saying stuff like: "I'm not interested in you" or "I don't want anything from you"
Or try to shame me and make me feel I'm thinking too highly of myself
with a sentence like: "What do you think, we are all here looking for
you?" or "Oh c'on, take another beer, I don't bite." or also "Pff is
just another beer, don't be a party pooper".
I don't care about what they say or how they try to make me feel "not cool". As soon as I feel just tiny bit unsafety in myself, I removed myself from the situation.
And I repeat: Just a tiny bit of unsafety!
Don't wait to actually feel unsafe. That could be too late.
Again, I'm not talking about rape or any other really bad situation but even just sitting next to a person for another hour or two, not feeling comfortable and wondering all the time how can you go home gives a feeling of unsafety.

That will make you more fearful the next time you are in a similar situation and possibly not allow you to experience new potentially cool people.
Is very important to be able to know how to say a clear No and not let others manipulate you.
If you want to know more about how to set your boundaries and bravely say no, check out this my other article: https://travelinsideandout.me/settings-boundaries-saying-no/

Conclusion:

Until I didn't trust myself being able to say clearly "No", I wasn't allowing myself to be in a situation where I potentially have to say no and therefore I precluded myself from lots of situations and ended up thinking I need to do all by my self: What happens if I ask someone for help, they do help me, and then he/she asks me something else I don't want to do it? I cannot say no, would be unpolite!

I can always say no. Even if people have been extremely nice to me, even if people will be upset after it.
Learn to say no is also a journey I have done where I learn to accept rejections and I learn that a discussion is not equal to being abandoned.
Be patience and nice to yoursefl as you would do for somoene you really love and you see struggle.

Disclaimer: This title is mostly for SEO and simplification reasons. There is no hard division between Digital Nomads and Vanlifer.
Indeed there are people living in a van working online remotely as I do.
In this article I want to focus on the difference between remote workers with and without van; often the label of Digital Nomad in Europe refers to people working online remotely without fix home and without their own transportation.

One of the most common feedback I get when I say I live and travel in a van, is: "That feels so free! This is the real nomadic life"
I was rather surprised to hear these feedbacks from digital nomads too. To them, I often reply: "Isn't digital nomad lifestyle pretty nomadic too? :D"
I never understood why digital nomads think living in a van is freer than what they do until I experienced the digital nomad lifestyle myself.

Why did I move from my van to a rented flat:
When the winter began, I decided to move into a flat for several reasons:

• Living in a van in winter is cold. I wasn't ready to deal with that challenge yet (yes, my van has a good heater system. But still.)
• I started a new work project which required me to stay from 4hrs till 8hrs sit in front of a computer in a videocall. This means: a) is even more difficult to fight the cold (the first way of fighting the cold is actually move the body) and b) sharing the van with someone else become very very difficult since the other person will not have much space to move or will have to reduce the noise at the minimum.
• I was craving for city life and living in a city in a van is not much fun. At least in Europe.
• I wanted to meet full-time travel remote worker. Most of the vanlifer I met, take time off from their work, live out of their savings or do some kind of occasional work. I didn't find many vanlifer that work remotely online.

Main differences between vanlife and digital nomads:

I spent some time in flats, shared flats, and hostels.
I was going to cafes to work, visiting coworking spaces and various expats / digital nomads events.
Those are the main realization I made:  

• Nature vs City: The main difference I notice: while living in my van I spend much more time in nature. Even when is not a remote place (since I still need good internet coverage) is still outside the city. Moreover, I can stay near a city during working hours and quickly move in the wild as soon as I finish my work and don't need stable and good internet coverage anymore.
• Static vs on the move: While living in a flat, I have more of a static feeling. Whit static I mean being in the same physical space and also set up a static daily routine: Wake up, work, go out in the evening and repeat.
  I have a personal routine while living in the van too (meditation, training, working, exploring, dinner..) but I have the feeling I quickly slide into a stricter and flatter routine while living in a flat.
  
  Also, without personal transportation is more challenging to explore the surrounding. In countries without a good public transportation system is very challenging but even when public transportation system is good, making a daily trip requires some degree of mental and practical preparation, whether with a van is often quicker. As result, I end up exploring less while living in a flat.
• Planning: Being nomadic doesn't mean having fun all the time. We still have to take care of basic life stuff like going to a dentist, sending/receiving packages (that can become a real challenge sometimes!), going to an hairstylist, and so on.
  I found it much easier to take care of all of those duties while staying in a place for longer; being somewhere longer means getting to know the place and people that can help you achieve those tasks.
  I could stay in the same place longer with my van and probably get the same benefit. Still, when living in a van I find it very difficult to spend a long amount of time in the same city/village. Even if is about moving of few km, I still have this urge to move, to see different places.
  It is also easier to plan some of my daily routine like training.
  I found a pretty good way to stick to my training while living in a van, nevertheless, I feel staying somewhere for longer made it even easier to stick to it. And of course, having a shower whenever I want is a big plus! :D
• Working and social environment:
  The first time I went to a coworking space after a long time working from my van I felt so much inspired and focus on my work (I mean, the first time I found a coworking that was actually a good fit for me!). This feeling didn't last long and I actually got tired pretty fast of the office environment.
  This reminds me that each situation has its own pro and cons: Coworking can be silent and provide the equipment to work properly; working from home allow me to save time and work when I'm actually more inspired and productive; working from my van gives me the same benefit of working from home plus some amazing view which makes me even more inspired. Sometimes tho, it lacks in comfort or in equipment.  
  Of course, coworking and cafes give me more chances of meeting other digital nomads which is one of the main reasons why I decided to rent a flat in a city.
  I personally realized I do not enjoy going to digital nomads meetups or to meet other nomad workers randomly.
  I did meet some amazing and inspiring digital nomads but I did in alternative ways like socials, forums, in specific communities, or by chance.
• Internet: One other reason why I decided to move to a flat was because of internet stability. With this project that keep me on video calls for a long time, I was very worried to have stable and reliable internet. I thought a flat would give me that. Wrong :D
  I end up living in different flats without stable internet and using my portable modem with a local sim card. Which is the same solution I use in my van.
  Of course, this depends a lot on which country and place you are but what I learn is that nowadays mobile network is pretty strong, and having cable internet doesn't always mean more stability.
  So once again, is important to be prepared for different scenarios and have a plan B!
• More time: While living in my van I live a simpler life, following more a natural rhythm.
  I also spend more time alone and in particular, I don't have the fear of missing out.
  This results in me feeling more creative and having more time to work on my own project like finishing a book, writing articles, building something, or simply sticking to my routine and doing the things that makes me happy every day.
  This is probably more related to the type of lifestyle I end up doing in each place. Maybe I could have done a simpler lifestyle in a city as well but I often had the feeling I was missing out on important events or special nights and often end up filling my time with things I'm not so sure were the ones that made me feel fulfilled and happy.
  But at least I can say (to whom?? My self!) that I did them -.-

My personal conclusion:

Personally, I didn't enjoy the digital nomad lifestyle more than the vanlife lifestyle.
I suffered from a steady routine, lack of nature, and loss of freedom of movement.
What I thought I was missing in my life in a van which is the social interaction and organized social situations, I discover not being what I look for in my lifestyle. And I learn to find and connect with the right people in alternative ways.
This is of course very personal and each one of us has to find what works for him/her.

I anyway found it very interesting to experiment with both lifestyles and experience what each one has to offer. I will probably keep switching from one to the other (and many others!!) based on what I need in that moment of my life. But generally speaking, the wild, nature, and being constantly on the move is what gives me that smile on the face that allows me to deal with anything else in life ;)

It is a long time I want to write about my training experience while traveling.
I think sharing my experience can be helpful to any full-time traveler but I would like to focus more on training while living in a van since it has some extra challenges. At least I experience those extra challenges.

What I mean by "exercising":
With exercising I mean a constant training of some discipline. It can be power weight, yoga, pilates, calisthenic, hiking, ...any kind of body training.
What makes the difference is not the discipline in itself but the intensity and the goals.
I am not talking about doing occasional sports. I'm talking about constant training with specific goals.
Taking the example of yoga: is often practiced by people living in vans because it doesn't require tools outside the body and can be done almost everywhere (also inside the van).
There is a difference between doing yoga when feeling in the mood and doing yoga to become a yoga teacher. Or even just to learn to do the split. To learn to do the split you need to constantly train your muscle and body.

What do I train for:
Since a year I decided to learn calisthenic. My first goal was to do one pull-up. Then I slowly move to more pull-ups, more push-up and so on. When I start traveling in a van, I was afraid I wouldn't have been able to keep up with the training, lose the results achieved so far and never reach the new goals.
I decided I would have put training as a priority in my new lifestyle.

The challenges

The main challenges I have encountered are:

• No routine: Routine is not always a bad thing. Routine makes it easier to plan and plans make it easier to stick to plans. If I know I'm gonna work every day till 18 and have dinner around 20, is easy to plan some days in the week where between 18 and 20 I go training.
  If every day I work and eat at different times, it is more difficult to find a stable timeframe to train.
• Often changing location: Every time I go to a new place I don't know exactly what I will find there. Will I find some gyms? Maybe They don't allow daily visitors or are all full. Will I find bars in parks? Will I find trees good enough to hang my rings?
• Shower: I must say this is my biggest challenge so far. Training without the security that I will be able to shower after it, doesn't appeal me at all. Obviously because of the smell, the cold and the uncomfortable feeling of dry sweat on my skin.
• Cold or bad weather: This is another big one. For two reasons: If I get cold or wet because of rain and I'm not sure I will manage to take a hot shower, I will probably get sick or at least it will not be fun. Second, traveling all the time means I have few clothes with me and I don't have the option to have winter and summer sports clothes. I have a one-fit-all sports outfit. Most of the time doesn't work in rain or snow or minus 0deg weather. This means training in those conditions is gonna be painful instead of being fun.
• Distraction: Is easy to get distracted when there is always something new to discover. New places, new people to meet or get to know, ...

Some of these challenges are strictly related to life in a van and in nature. In particular shower and cold.
As a digital nomad that lives in a city or in a fixed place was much easier for me to find a gym, a flat with enough space to train or a park with outdoor training facilities.

How to stay on track

The first thing that helped me is determination!
And then... Determination, determination and determination.
A song I love to listen to while I train is: Remember the Name - Fort Minor
This song says: 10% luck, 20% skills, 15% power of will, 5% pleasure and 50% pain.
Ok, maybe is not the most positive song and for me is actually 15% pain, 60% power of will and.. well, shuffle the other numbers till I got 100% ;)
I like this bit of the song because it shows that achieving goals is not a matter of luck, not a matter of being talented but mostly the power of will and yep, some hard time too.
As I said at the beginning, I set training as a priority in my lifestyle and I constantly remind myself of the goals I want to achieve, how fun it is for me to do it and how makes me feel good. Determination and motivation keep me going.

Another important factor for me was planning.
I plan as much as possible when I'm going to train. I set an average of time per week I want to train (let's say 5 days/week) then I set a minimum of time I have to do it to be ok with myself (let's say 3 days/week).
I found also very helpful to have a plan to follow and set the days of the week that I will train. Doing so, is easier for me to plan when to travel.
For example: If I decide I train on Monday and Wednesday, I try as much as possible to drive on Sunday, find a nice place where to stop that will allow me to train on Monday and then drive again on Tuesday.
I also learned that is good to have a plan to stick to but is also ok if sometimes I don't stick to the plan.
Is ok if one day I prefer to go for dinner with some new interesting person I meet is ok if one time I don't train on Wednesday and I do on Thursday instead. But is important that those changes are the exception and don't become the routine, otherwise is easy to get lost.

Have a goal for me was fundamental. Knowing that I train not just for pleasure but because I want to achieve something, keep my motivation high.
I dream about the day I will finally achieve my goals and I know that If I miss too many times the training, this will never happen. So here I am, happily sticking to my plan.

Choose the right discipline

Obviously, the discipline will make a difference on the level of difficulties in practice.
A discipline that doesn't require many tools or a particular environment fits better vanlife.
The best are any kind of training that can be done with just body weight. Those are various: yoga, pilates, calisthenics, any bodyweight exercises like push-ups or squats, many kinds of martial arts, ...
For me a great plus for calisthenics is that has little cardio activity which means doesn't make me sweat much. At the same time, the exercises are pretty thought and give incredible results.
Another plus of bodyweight training is that I can do it almost everywhere, even inside of my van in the case of really bad weather. (and yes, I did it already).

Bodyweight is really nice but to achieve some goals some extra weight or tools is required.
I need to be minimalist so what I have with me must be multi-purpose and the most efficient as possible.
My tools list are:

• rings - amazing, can do almost all the exercises with them. Cons: they take quite a lot of space, are not flexible to fit in the bag and if I don't find a place to hang them or if I cannot train outside they are useless.
• extra heavy small band - I choose to bring with me just one band therefore I choose the heaviest one. In case is too much, I can use just for a few repetitions, or I can use it not at the maximum stretch.
• big elastic bands - I have 3 elastic bands with me. Red or very light one, violet or medium to heavy and green, heavy one (for big muscle). I rarely use the green one since I can simply do the exercise with some extra weight and I rarely use the red one since is so light that I can just push myself a bit more and do the exercises without it. Therefore next time I can definitely go down to just one elastic band in my traveling bag! Yey.
• Any element I find around me to use as weight. I often use rocks or 3/5L gallon of water (which I also drink) as weight.
   

Conclusion

Is not always easy, sometimes I really want to train with weight and I don't find anything that suits it or the weather is really bad and no option to take a shower.
Then it becomes frustrating but I always remind myself to focus on the big picture and not the single case.
That I chose this lifestyle and therefore I have to be flexible and creative.
Is ok for example to do more repetitions if I don't find weights.
Or to exchange the training day with the rest day, if something else comes up.
And to remind me that I train because is really fun for me and I'm anyway getting closer and closer to my goals.

In the last years, I learned the importance of saying "no".
This is not a new concept to me, since when I was a teenager my dad often talked about how important is to learn to say no to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
My dad used to say always yes and end up with lots of work and responsibilities that brought him a lot of anxiety, panic attack and claustrophobia.
He made a whole personal journey which, as a young rebellious teenager, I wasn't much aware of and the message I got was: Do what you want and not what others tell you to do.


Later on in my life, I mostly heard the importance of saying "no" in the context of woman boundaries.
"Saying no", for me, meant always having the right to say no to a man that was trying to have sex with me. In particular in situations where the other person was trying to get it in a subtle, indirect or manipulative way.
I didn't consider myself as someone that has a problem to say "no".
Most of the people I know have told me they see me as an independent and strong person. I always value freedom a lot and I often had problems with authorities. I don't like to be controlled, I don't like people telling me what to do.  
"No" came easy to me; I often did what I want, when I want.

Recently I learned a new meaning of "saying no".
Probably the one that my dad was trying to teach me.
"Saying no" means taking care of my boundaries.
It means recognize when a situation, ANY situation, not just a dangerous one, is too much for me and therefore act in a way that will protect my mental health in order to avoid ending up with panic attacks, anxiety, issues to sleep, stomach problems and so on.
What I learned is that my acting independent was a protection shield to put distance between me and the people that I wasn't able to say no.
If I don't care about someone, I have no problem to say no.
But if I care about someone then was really hard to say no.

People pleaser

Once I put down the shield I built up in the years to keep people far enough to not hurt me and I start to open up more to connect with others, I realize I have really hard time saying "no" and I tend to do lots of stuff I don't like or don't make me happy, just to please the other person.
Again, I'm not talking about crazy, horrible stuff but rather small everyday stuff.
Some of the things I have done just to please the others are:

• Wait months for my partner to come traveling with me (which never happened)
• Avoid going to specific social situations to not make my partner upset
• Avoid talking about some of my dreams to not upset my partner or family
• Hang out with people that made me feel tired more than uplifted
• Listen to a conversation for a long time even if I'm not interested

And many other examples.
When I open up, I find myself not being able to take care of my needs and boundaries.
I was being very suspicious and diffident when getting close to new person, especially in a new romantic relationship.
And fighting with many fears like:
"What If I will lose again my freedom?"
"What If I will not be able to do all the stuff I want to do?"
"What if I will have to wait again for this person instead of travel?"
In the beginning, I analyzed carefully the person I was meeting, trying to find signs that would tell me I wouldn't end up with less freedom.

Learn to trust myself again

I then realize nobody ever trapped me.
It was always my decision to stay, to try again, to help, to support, to care about my needs less than the other person's needs.  
Therefore the problem is not the people I meet, the problem is me.
That is good, is something I can fix!
The main problem now is that I don't trust myself enough.
I don't trust myself to be able to say no when situations are too much for me and instead fall again in the pattern of putting distance or trying to not upset the other person.
I then learn the concept of boundaries and being able to express what is too much for myself without necessarily hurting the other person.
I can be direct but still respectful.
At the same time, I learn to deal with the idea that sometimes my words or expressing my needs can upset and hurt people I love.
Exactly like people I love sometimes hurt me. And that is ok. Nobody is gonna die, nobody will leave me forever.
I can deal with these uncomfortable situations with the other person and together we can find a way that will make both happy.
Those realizations empower me in a completely unexpected way.
I'm learning to trust myself, I'm learning to protect myself.
This is what being strong really means to me.

Is a long path that I'm still learning and, like anything new, it takes time.  
I will make lots of mistakes but I'm slowly starting to trust myself again.
I'm learning to say no when anything, even the smallest stuff, is too much for me and to stay there, stay open and connected with the other person to genuinely deal with that situation.
And if I can't resolve the issue, I'm learning is ok to separate.
If I separate from a person after I clearly express my needs and boundaries and those are not accepted by the other person, I never feel I have failed, did a mistake or have regrets because I know I stayed true to myself and what makes me happy.  

"You are so lucky, you travel all the time"
"You are living the dream!"
"With your job is easy"
"You can do this life because you have no kids/family/old parents/..."

These are just some of the comments that I and many other travelers I met, heard all the time when talking about our lifestyle as full-time travelers. And to be honest, they really piss me off.
Vanlife, full-time travelers, cyclists, ... are not lucky, are brave.
We didn't win the lottery, we don't just have a great time all the time, we didn't simply wake up one day, decide to travel full time and all the rest of our life magically fit in this new lifestyle.
I worked hard to get where I am.
I worked hard to get a job that allows me to fully work remotely, I turn down lots of interesting offers because they wouldn't allow me to work remotely, I consciously decided to focus on my career for 3 years so I had enough experience and confidence to work remotely from anywhere, I had to deal with my family and friends's fears and I had to deal with my own fears.
I had to let people go from my life, I had to take decisions that would allow me to be always "free" like not taking a dog, which is one of my fear of regret.

Mental resilience

To me, choosing the life I want like full-time traveling means being mentally strong.
To me, choosing the life I want, is about facing my fears, facing my dark side, growing up from childhood, stopping repeating my parent's patterns, looking into myself, what I want for my life, and what I need in order to be happy.
Start to make my own choices and stop living a life that I think someone else wants me to live.
This is not easy; this often means hurting people I love, facing my family, partner or closest friends; constantly reevaluating my job and the opportunities I have.
It means having the courage to start my life over again.
And again and again.
It means also stop playing the victim and start taking responsibility for my life, it means living each situation and encounter as a learning experience rather than something is happening to me.
Stop reacting and start acting.

How to start living the life you want:

• Take your time and spot what you really want from your life. Not what you think will make you accepted by others.
  Whenever you find yourself battling between two life decisions, is very likely that one is the one you want and the other is the one you think someone else wants you to do (your parents, society, your partners, your children, your boss, ...).
  If you find yourself complaining often about your life, daydreaming about some other lifestyle or someone else lifestyle, is very likely you are living a life that is not the one you choose for yourself.

• Inform yourself about the lifestyle you want to pursue: how to start, what other people do, what are the possible obstacles, is there anything you can prepare ahead, ...
  read books, blogs, watch videos, follow people on social media, join online communities and ask questions.

• Do baby steps!
  I certainly didn't start a life in a van in a day. I started doing some weekends half an hour away from my city and then went away for some days.
  After that, I did 2 months of travel. Then I started traveling again from a known location to another known location until the day that I felt ready to do long time traveling.
  Maybe some people can make these decisions over a night, buy a van, sell everything, give up their home and start traveling. Good for them.
  Still, doesn't mean it has to work for you too. Do what makes you feel safe. You don't want to overwhelm yourself to the point that you give up the idea of following your dream life. One thing at the time!

• Recognize your fear and push yourself to face your fears. What makes you more anxious when you think about changing your life? Do you have to deal with your partner's expectations? Are you leaving a secure job? Running out of money?
  Start from there and try to figure out what is behind those fears. Do you fear to leave your partner because secretly you believe you will end up alone? Inquire yourself.

• Recognize when other's tips are out of their own fears or fact-based concerns.
  People will always comment on your non-traditional decisions. Learn to recognize if those comments are based on real fact or their own fears i.e.: "Are you traveling alone in XX country? Is very dangerous, you probably end up getting robbed."
  Go check in traveler communities, is this country really at risk? How is life there? Ask people that have been there recently.
  Don't let other fears put you down.

• Prepare yourself to be mentally resilient: Do yoga, meditation, martial arts, whatever works for you to help you increase your resilience and be more aware of your mental process.
  Yoga helps to stay there and experience pain. Meditation help to be more aware of your mental activities and recognize if what you think is a real danger or some inner and older fear that is playing over and over in your mind.
  Choose the technique you like and learn to deal with emotional pain.

• Lower your expectation. Don't think that suddenly everything will be amazing just because you are doing what you love.  
  Don't let social media enchant you, daily life is another story.
  Challenges and difficulties are in every kind of lifestyle, in any situation. There will be amazing times but also hard times.
  But if you keep working on yourself, you will be prepared and will be able to overcome those challenging times faster and therefore focus on the good ones.

I want to write about what for me is one of the most painful parts of a full-time traveling lifestyle.
I want to share it partly as a reminder for myself, and partly because I want to show a part of full-time traveling that is not the usual happy mood I often see in social media and Ads.

Full-time traveling can be hard, it needs some internal strength.
For me, the most painful part is leaving amazing people behind.
While traveling I meet a lot of great people.
With some of those people, I create a profound bounding.
In just some days we become really close and share a lot about our past life, life view, and dreams.
When I have just some days to spend with someone to me there is no point in chit-chatting.
I learn to spot people I can connect with and I go straight to those and have a deep connection.
Some of those people are other travelers, some are locals. Some of those hosted me and treated me as part of their family, with some we shared difficult and great times during the travel, with some we become also intimate.

And then what?

Then is time to leave.
Is time to keep going on with the travel, with a lifestyle that is always in movement. Discover new places and new connections.
Most of the time I exchange contact with these people, we talk for some days updating each other about our lives. Sending pictures and so on.
Then new stuff happens in the life of both and the communication become less and less.
Until it stops altogether.
I didn't forget them. I bet they didn't forget me, but that is simply how it goes. Life goes on.

Leaving people behind

For me is still very painful to open my heart and soul, welcome people in my life, let them take space in it and then let them go.
To me is particularly painful to see our relationship evolving from "you are my everyday routine" to "I send you a message once in a while if I have time".
I thought I would get used to this feeling, I thought the more people I would meet, the more I would get used to it and that is just how it is.
My brain understands it very well and accepts this.
My body, and my heart in particular, still feel pain tho.
Sometimes is so difficult to leave a place and it leaves me maliconic for days.
I think this is particularly true for solo travelers since traveling with other people makes easier to keep each other busy and feel less of an empty feeling.  
The good side of keep traveling is that leaving means going to a new place, and new places are exciting. Regardless if they are good or bad, better or worst, they always keep my mind busy.

People are what makes a place

Even if is painful, I'm so happy I learn to open up and truly connect with people.
Sometimes I see people traveling the world and spending most of the time in their vans.
Others exchange some words with locals but don't really take the time to listen and connect with these people they meet.
This is a pity because for example, so much can be gained from just hanging out in a farm garden and becoming part of the daily routine of the family running the farm.
I personally value more those moments than going to a museum or doing a hike.
Both are beautiful parts of travel but is just when I truly connect with the humans around me that I feel I'm actually learning something about a country and most important I feel I gain something which will make me grow as a human being.    


Unfortunately, this time I have no good "How to" technique to overcome the pain I feel in those situations.
I also understand that connecting with people requires time.
Having four days to spend in a farm garden instead of exploring the surrounding is often not double if you have a couple of weeks.
I would still recommend you to try to save a bit of time in your travel to forget about time, forget about the tourist guide's top ten attraction list and just be there. Show interest in the life of people around you, I bet you will not regret it.  

If I will discover how to deal with this painful feeling, I will def update the article ;)

Is October, the weather slowly becomes chill, and is time to put away shorts and tank-top.
Currently, I'm in Albania and it has been bad weather for two weeks, with lots of rain and strong wind.
In this post, I want to talk about the bad days during vanlife and how I overcame my bad days.

During those two weeks of bad weather wasn't always fun to camp outside, explore cities, and generally live in a van.
I traveled to Albania with the expectation to have warm weather till October/November therefore I was surely not happy with the weather situation.
In these days I met many other travelers and the topic was recurrent:
Bad days while camping or having a life on the road.  

I was surprised to realize that a lot of people see solo travel challenging not because of practical challenges on the road like getting stuck somewhere, flatting a wheel, or breaking any vital part of the van but mostly because of mental challenges.
They asked me how I deal with bad days without the support of others cheering me up.
This made me meditate on something: The real challenges and limits are always in our minds. If we manage to deal with the fears and setbacks created by our minds, we can really and truly do anything.
Well, maybe not literally everything, in some situations we also need a bit of preparation :D

A bad day in vanlife

I want to share an example of a bad day.
I was traveling since a week and a half with other travelers, I spent four days in a city and two of these were in a parking spot in the city center.
I had a great time but now I was craving for some alone time in nature, where I could get a bath, have a chill time reading a book or talking with some friends.
It was also my training day, so I was dreaming to find this amazing spot in nature, green and calm, near a lake or river where I could spend some quiet time.
I start looking for a place and went near what google maps shows as a river.
When I arrived at the place, the river was dry, the wind start to blow really strong and it started to rain.
It was getting late so I decided that the place was good enough. At least had most of the check I was looking for: alone, in nature, and a nice spot to do my training. I could still use water in my van to wash myself up.
I went in back gear to park without realizing a rock was on the way (small but high enough; subtle nasty rock!) and I got stuck.
It started to rain pretty bad.
After trying to get unstack several times, I put on my raincoat and went to look for some humans that could help me.
Luckily, some house was in 10mins distance and after half an hour I was free again.
At that point It was almost dark and I still have to do my training.
I pushed myself a bit and did my training under a light rain.
Was finally time for the shower but when I open the water almost nothing came out and I realize my battery was empty!
I was quite annoyed by that. I just drove 2 hours and the battery should have been charged!
(I then discover my battery alternator had a fault. If you want to know how to prevent electrical problems check out this post)
I manage to wash up at least the important parts of my body but the battery was still empty, which means I couldn't charge anything.  
Internet was also almost not existing therefore my plans to spend the evening doing some work, hearing from some friends or planning a bit my next days, were gone!
The night was terrible. There was a storm, it rained like hell and there was a very, very strong wind.
The van was shaking all the time and it kept me awake most of the night.
Fun time!

Now, this is a relatively bad day in vanlife.
Is one of those days where I dream about a warm home, with a nice and cozy sofa, where I can have a warm shower while my pizza is baking in the oven and the only thing I need to worry about is which Netflix series to pick for the evening. (Btw, let's not underestimate the task of picking a Netflix series!!).
Those are the days that if you travel in company, it's relieving to rant about the bad day with a friend or let your partner wrap you up in a blanket and pamper you with a warm tea or glass of wine

How I overcome my bad days during vanlife

While talking with other travelers about the bad weather in Albania, I realized I often don't get caught up in this state of bad mood anymore.
I used to have these bad days. I used to feel demoralized, to want to quit, to feel lonely, and to want someone to support me. I don't have those moments anymore.
Once I realize this shift in my mood, I start to think about what changed and how come I don't have those mentally challenging days anymore. Maybe I become an experienced traveler and bad stuff doesn't happen to me anymore?
Mhm, nope! The example above shows that bad stuff still happens to me. I still have car electric problems, I still put high expectations for my day that I cannot always fulfill, I still get stuck, ... so what has changed?

Funny enough, in those days I was listening to a podcast some friends suggested to me months ago. Is Tim Ferriss having a conversation with Jim Dethmer: How to Shift from Victim Consciousness, Reduce Drama, Practice Candor, Be Fully Alive, and More (#434)
I would truly recommend anyone to listen to this podcast episode. It has so many good insights on how to have a better life and improve our human relationships!
Among many other interesting things, Jim Dethmer talked about different states of consciousness and how we deal with the content of life.
He explains there are 4 states of consciousness: to me, by me, has me, and through me.
Right now I want to focus just on "to me" and "by me".
I invite you to listen to the podcast if you want to know about the other two-state.
The bottleneck of the story is, we can have a good or bad time solely based on how we decided to live a certain life experience.
Is actually not a new concept.
I'm sure everyone had the situation where while complaining about cold weather, someone replay with something like: "is not cold if you don't think is cold."  Or the lovely german saying: "There is no bad weather, just wrong clothes"
The way how Jim Dethmer explains this concept gives such clarity to the whole topic and makes it easy to actually recognize that state of mind and have a conscious shift which leads to having a better time.
Dethmer explains: There is context and content.
Content is life content. Can be weather, job interview, lunch with families... literally anything happening in our life.
Context describes how we have been with the content of our life.

To me

One context is "to me":
It means I'm at the effect of life, affect of people, condition, and circumstances.
Life is happening to me, is victimhood state of mind.

By me

Another context is "by me":
This is creatorship, is a state of empowerment. I'm not anymore at the effect of, I'm the creator of and responsible for my experience.
He brings the example of the Coronavirus situation: Corona situation is a fact, we are in a weird period of time where out there this "corona situation". Regardless of what your beliefs are, it is out there; people talk about it, there are regulations, and dealing with life is different than what it used to be some years ago. Is a fact.
The relationship we have with the virus is our responsibility.
We can be in fear of the virus, we can be in denial or we take responsibility for how I'm gonna deal with it.

Let's take a simpler example: bad weather.
I came to Albania in October to have a longer summer.
I ended up spending the last two weeks mostly in my van, with long sleeves and long pants and a big blanket in the night.
I could simply say: "The weather is so bad, I'm just unlucky and this is not fair" and spend those two weeks in a bad mood, complaining about how wet everything was, how cold and unpleasant the days were.
I indeed had such a moment at the beginning of those weeks. I was insisting to wear summer clothes ending up being quite cold and complaining about how cold it was.
At one point I realize I was just arming myself with those thoughts and laughed at myself thinking: "Is October and I'm going around with shirts instead of a big coat as I used to do when I lived in Germany. Not so bad after all."

After some thinking, I realize that what Jim Dethmer talked about is exactly what I do most of the time I have a bad day.
When I got stuck in the car, for a moment I was angry. I was angry at the weather for being so shitty and then I start to redirect the anger to myself, thinking
"Why didn't I go to a camping place?"
"Now I will not be able to do my training and all my effort will blow up"
"I should never have come here, is everything horrible"
Then I realize all my mental crazy activities and I thought:
"ok, wait a minute, take a deep breath, close your eyes for a second. If I go on like this, I will just end up in a place I'm not happy with, without doing anything of the things I was planning to do and being angry all night.
I know I can solve relatively fast the problem of getting unstuck and then still do my training. Yes, it's raining but is not such strong rain and I wanted to shower anyway after it."
Jim Dethmer put it in an elegant way:
"I started to be curious about my experience and play around with what I had."

Take responsibility for the situation I am in:

In simple steps how to shift from "to me" to "by me":

• Realize I am in a "to me" state. How?
  If I make a sentence with "to me" in it "Why is this happening to me?".
  If I'm angry at a situation or a place. If I am angry at someone else or at "they": "She shouldn't have do that" "They should have give me more support", "Government should know better how to deal with xxx"
• When I realize I am in this state, I take a moment, take a deep breath (or two, three, ...) and try to clear my mind as much as I can.
  

Then I ask myself some questions:

• Can I solve this problem? Is there anything I have the power to do to change the situation?
• What can I learn from this situation? Is there any life lessons or something I can improve/remember?
• What can I play with, in this situation? Is there any way I can change this situation in a way that is more funny or interesting to me?
• Can I think about another solution that is completely different from what I plan to do but will still give me a good time?

In my specific case, I creatively solved my problem, walking fast to a farmer and asking for help. In half an hour I was unstuck and free again.
I creatively solve the problem of the shower and empty battery, showering just the important part of my body while taking the decision that the day after my first priority would have been to fix the battery and the second priority was to have a real shower, instead of going to the mountains as I planned to.

It wasn't the best day of my trip but it wasn't so bad as it could have been.
The day after I woke up early and went to the first big city, I spend the whole day in the garage and fix all my van problems and end my day in a camping place where I had a restoring warm shower and a great night sleep.
This day was indeed a very good one, one of those days that I felt truly happy and fulfill with my life.
Maybe the two things were a bit connected? ;)




 

Recently I met an amazing car electrician who fixed my van electric issues and also took the time to teach me about it.
I'm writing this post for two reasons: As a reminder to myself and in the hope to help whoever has a van and didn't make the electric system by his/herself and have no car electric knowledge.

The context:
I bought my van converted by a manufacturer.
I bought it from its 4th owner which means some stuff was modified during the years and mostly, lots of information got lost in the time.
Therefore I had no clear idea how various stuff works in my van, mostly stuff related to the electric system.
The wires are all properly implemented in the van's wall and therefore I cannot see them (unless I open the whole insulation layer which is rather big work to do).
I had minor issues like the battery not charging fast enough or discharging very quickly.
I did my research online but the information I found is mostly very beginner's level (explanation of wires, battery, and alternator) or quite advance like how to build your own van electric system, which is an overwhelming amount of information.
I ended up thinking the electric system is too hard for me to understand.

I decided to go to a specialist.  
What I needed is a car electrician. Not a mechanic, the mechanic doesn't know much about electricity. First lesson learned.
I discover is not easy to find an electrician for the van. Most car electricians have no idea about solar panel systems or any of the internal amenities of a camper. Many of them don't even want to deal with this stuff so they just told me they cannot help me.
Finding a van/camper electrician specialist is rather hard.
In Berlin, I found just one. And Berlin is the city of van's lover!!
Maybe I don't know how to search them properly, could be.
Anyway, I ended up going to a random car electrician which had a quick look at my batteries and told me they were in ok status so all should work well.
They didn't even check the wires or the fuses!
Lesson to learn for me: Don't trust the work of an expert just because is called an expert in the field. Keep inquiring and checking if the problem is gone.

I met other travelers in the same situation.
In particular now with Corona situation, lots of people bought a second-hand van. These vans are often custom-made by some third person (not manufacturer) or had different modifications over the years.
I, therefore, thought what I found out could be useful to others too.

Assumption before reading this post:  

• I assume some understanding of how a car battery is loaded and how it works. If not, read here: https://www.firestonecompleteautocare.com/blog/batteries/your-cars-electrical-system/
• I assume a minimum understanding of electrics like how current is transmitted around the car. If not, here is a link to help out: https://www.vegoilguy.co.uk/auto_electrics_101.php

My van electric problems

The problems I had in my van were:
- Board battery discharge very quickly
- Board battery not loading while driving
- I installed the solar panel system myself, following youtube videos. I was always unsure if what I built works well together with the manufacturing electric system.

I must say, it was already hard to detect those problems.
For example about battery discharge quickly and not loading while driving: For a long time I thought the problem was the fridge consuming too much.
Talking with other people, I got so many different inputs that confuse me even more. Some told me a fridge in a camper can work just if is powered by gas. Others told me that nowadays a fridge can go without gas without problems, others told me a fridge can go with electricity but just while driving... I still don't know what is correct but all those Infos put me on the wrong tracks for a long time.
In the end, I used the old good method of Divided and Conquer, I stop my fridge and realise the battery was discharging quickly also without the fridge running.
Ok, the problem is mostly the battery or how the battery is wired.

Useful van electric basics I learned

The car electric system is mostly made of wires, fuses, and relays.
Wires are the ones that send current.

About wires:

• They have to be the same size. If there is a need to attach two wires, the two must have the same diameter, otherwise, there is a loss of power. An that can make the difference!
• Shorter the distance between the two amenities, the less loss of power there is.
• Fewer wires joining, the better. If possible, try always to have one cable that goes from beginning to end.
• Avoid manually twist two wires together. It will work but every vibration will make them connect and disconnect and that's really bad for the battery or whatever else is connected to them.
  Always stick use approved connector. There are different ways to do it, most of them are valid but don't knot them and close them with tape. This is bad. In vans in particular because of the vibration while driving or moving inside the van.
  Here is an idea of how to connect wires properly: https://www.galvinpower.org/best-wire-connectors
• The connector between two wires or between wires and battery or other appliance must be very tight! I thought "ok tight" was enough but nope, must be very very tight. I should close it with a proper tool like a wrench or a clamp, for the same above reason: vibration.
• Every connector (connection used to connect the wires to the battery or appliance) must be clean. Rust or any kind of dirt will not make the current flow properly.
• The plus or red cable should never touch the earth ground. Not even close to it (again because of vibration can seem that it doesn't touch the ground but while driving it will touch it.)

About fuse and relay:

Not so much to says here except, remember to always check them! Something isn't working properly? Check that any fuse didn't blow up. Same for the relay. To check if a relay is working, check for continuity with a multimeter. If you have no idea what is that, check here: https://youtu.be/TdUK6RPdIrA?t=283
By the way, I recommend anyone with a van to have a multimeter and learn how to use it.

About Battery:

When there is a battery problem - the battery is dead, the car start with difficulties or the battery discharge quickly - most of the people give the suggestion to change the battery.
This is not always the solution (or the problem in itself). I would suggest checking wires, fuses, and so on before changing the battery. In particular, if the battery is not so old.
Batteries have a lifetime of 5 years (if kept in good condition) so don't rush to change your battery, the problem might be somewhere else.

• Battery needs to have clean plus and minus. If it is rusty or dirty it will not send the current properly
• 12v battery status: Below 12v the battery is empty.
  Above 12v till 12.9v the battery is charged (at 12.9v is fully charged). Above 13v the battery is in charging mode.
• In my car, the board battery never discharges the starter battery. And the other way around. That was very important for me to know.

What to check on van's electric system:

• Check the battery status: How old it is and how clean it is.
• Be sure that every contact point between wires is clean and really tightened up.
• Each cable that goes to the battery, must have a fuse to protect the battery from overcurrent. Here is an explanation about fuse: https://www.easycarelectrics.com/car-fuse-guide
• Check that the two batteries have an alternator. The alternator is the one that allows batteries to be charged while driving. Be sure the alternator works for both batteries, start and board battery.
  Even if you have a solar panel installed, you want to charge both your batteries when driving.
• Be sure that none of the batteries can discharge the other one when empty. I.e. If my board battery is empty and I try to use the fridge, it will not take energy from the start battery.
• Buy a multimeter! And learn how to measure: voltage, resistance, and continuity. There are plenty of youtube videos about it.

Checklist to spot electric problems in a van:

As a reminder to myself for the next time I have an electric problem in the van, here is my checklist:

• Check batteries voltage. Is it empty? (less than 12v)
• Check wires voltage. Is there current running?
• Check fuses. Are there any blow-up fuses?
• Check wires and contact points status. Are they well tight up? Is there any rust or dirt on it?
• Run engine: is battery charging? Both of them are?
• Divided and conquer. Is it a solar panel system problem? Is battery problem? Which battery? Is it a fuse? What if I turn off all the electric appliances? Is it a solar panel controller problem?
  
  Last but not least, if headlights are weak or the car has often problem to start, there is likely an electric system problem.
  Here is a detailed list of signs to keep an eye on: https://www.ridetime.ca/blog/the-5-most-common-signs-that-your-cars-electrical-system-is-failing/

About energy consumption in a van

I don't want to spend too much time on this topic since there are many guides online on how to calculate a van's energy consumption and I judge them to be way more complete than what I could ever write. I just want to share my personal experience.

Is not much fun (hey, I just want to hit the road asap!) but I really recommend taking a bit of time to understand how watt, voltage, and amper works and how to calculate those.
I still struggle with it so every time I learn something about my van electric system or my appliance, I write it down in a book which I check whenever something is wrong.
Most important is to understand properly how much you consume on average daily.
Of course, is easier when you already live in the van.
Even if you don't live in the van yet or are looking to buy one, you can start making a table of your consumption.
Is annoying but will pay off later on!

 

In my case I have:

• fridge
• I charge my phone on average 2 times a day
• I charge my laptop one time a day.
• I use the water pump to wash dishes and occasionally to shower (average 1h a day or less).
• In winter I occasionally use the heater (mine works with gas but needs the energy to start off).

My fridge uses 4 amper/hour.
I have a 100 amper battery.
If I keep my fridge running all day which is 24 hours, I will use it just for the fridge: 4 amper x 24 hours -> 96 ampers.
This is basically all my battery storage since the battery never gets 100% discharge.
Therefore I cannot keep my fridge running all the time.
What I usually do, is turn it off in the night. Turn it on while driving.
If I stay in a place for longer (so no driving) and there is a good sun, I turn it on for 5/7 hours a day. If there is no sun, I turn it on for 3/4 hours max.
Usually, no sun also means cold so there is no need to have a fridge running all the time anyway.

Reading online about van energy consumption was always very confusing to me.
An amazing tool to calculate your energy consumption is: https://faroutride.com/van-electrical-calculator/

Still, I would recommend taking your time and read a comprise guide. If it is very confusing like it is to me, try finding simpler information but don't give up.
You can and will understand it (if I did it, everybody can!) and it will pay off! There is nothing better than living in a van confidently knowing what is working and how.
Here is a super detailed guide about electric van systems: https://faroutride.com/electrical-system/
For me this is a bit too much, in particular at the beginning I wasn't able to understand most of it and it made me feel overwhelmed.
So I prefer to start with something like this: https://mowgli-adventures.com/camper-van-electrics-explained/#overview

I was in Montenegro in September 2021.
I traveled through all of Montenegro but the northeast part.
I traveled in a van equipped with a cooker and fridge.
I spent some time on farms where people grew their own veggies and I did eat outside several times.
Based on these pieces of information here is my experience:

Supermarkets in Montenegro

In Montenegro, there are different kinds of markets.
There are local markets, there are many small shops that sell a bit of everything, there are small to medium size supermarkets and there are big supermarkets.
The ones that you will mostly find around, are the small shops or small supermarkets.
The big supermarkets are a bit less common but within 30mins drive, you will likely find one.
I personally didn't find many vegan products in small shops or small/medium supermarkets.
What I found everywhere is:

• vegan milk
• bread-related products, also local products like Burek and a kind of voulevant thingy empty inside but make a yummy-snack
• some vegan sauces (there is a local sauce which is mostly made of tomato and peppers)
• vegan protein bar (This was a big surprise!)
• nuts
• veggie
• fruits
• pasta, beans, rice, and these kinds of classical non-animal food.

If you want something specifically vegan you need to go to a big supermarket.
The one where I found more vegan products is Iper.
Then there is Voli which has slightly fewer options and sometimes different options than Iper.

In Iper I found:

• vegan cheese. Two types
• vegan yogurt - just in the southwest part of Montenegro. In the rest of Montenegro, I couldn't find any!
• lost of vegan cookies, cereals, energy bars, sweet snacks of different kinds
• different seeds
• bulgur, quinoa
• hummus
• sometimes vegan burgers.

Was to me a surprise to find vegan cheese but not tofu or seitan.

Bio shop or other alternative shops

I must admit I didn't search extensively but in my search, I couldn't find almost any bio shops. Maybe 2 in the whole country.
I visit one in Cetinje but it had not much interesting stuff, at least for me.
Mostly was stuff bio alternative of what I could find in any supermarket like beauty products, products to clean, protein powder/bars (what is that obsession with these bars in Montenegro? :D ), and so on.
Food-wise was mostly bread products, cereals, and so on.
I found a vegan pudding which I instantly bought and stored in my van (haha). But unfortunately no yogurt or tofu :(
The woman was also not speaking English and was a bit difficult to ask for vegan products or recommendations.
Looking at apps like Happy Cow I couldn't find any vegan restaurant or shops. Mostly vegetarian-friendly places or maybe some vegan ice cream (which means: we have ice cream made just with fruit but no creamy ice cream.)

Restaurants in Montenegro

Eating outside is ok-ish, in any restaurants I found:

• pasta and pizza
• different kind of salads (you can ask to modify some of them, like removing the cheese. Is still yummy)
• grilled vegetables
• potatoes cooked in different ways (french fries, oven, ..)

Often I found:

• vegetable sandwich (if there is not, you can ask and they will probably make one for you)
• rice (here the rice is not just white rice, in my experience was yellow, probably cooked with onion and tomato. Was indeed satisfying.)

Pros about eating vegan in restaurant in Montenegro:

• Most people understand what is vegan or can understand it easily if explained.
• Probably they start to get used to tourists asking for vegan dishes, so more touristic is the area, more likely they know what a vegan is and how to cook something accordingly
• They are open to modifying a dish. Most of the time I asked for a dish without cheese or to combine two dishes (like rice + veggie or so) and people had no problem making it for me. When they thought what I was asking didn't make sense, they propose me an alternative.
• The dishes are relatively big! One dish of rice plus a tomato salad can be enough also after a day of wonder

The place where I was more satisfied eating outside was Stari Bar or the old town of Bar.
Stari Bar is a beautiful place to visit.
Has a lot of small restaurants, a bit touristy but they kept their authentic and traditional style.
Many of them offer some kind of veggie tapas and I found many yummy dishes. Was the only time I had more than 3 complete-dishes choices on the menu! Me happy :D
Two restaurants I can recommend are: Konoba Bedem and Kaldrma. Most of the guides to Montenegro restaurants will recommend those two and I personally think they are worth the reviews.

Farm and street food

In Montenegro, you can always stop at some local farm and ask for products they grow in their garden.
It will not be cheaper (unless you already establish some kind of relationship with the farmer) but is genuine.
You can find also local markets (I got suggested to go to some but I never have been so I cannot say anything about them).
People also sell fruits and veggies on the street.
The ones I tried were good. Not very cheap but ok good.
I have camped in different farms and I ate and bought veggies from their garden.
I liked that I have accommodation and food in one place and the food was grown with love.

My personal sum up:

I didn't find it difficult to eat as a vegan in Montenegro, I always had something to eat and I never worry I couldn't find food.
I did find it a bit more difficult to keep a balanced diet mostly because of the lack of tofu, thempe, seitan, vegan processed food like burgers or nuggets,... those are the food where I usually take most of my protein intakes.
While eating outside I often end up eating bready thingy like pasta, sandwiches, bruschetta which basically resolved my day in 90-100% carbs and no proteins.
The other choice while eating outside was veggies. Better than 100% carbs but still not enough proteins and variety in the diet.

For me was an overall ok experience since I could balance between eating outside and cooking in my van a meal with a more balanced intake.
Since I have a fridge and I could store all the stuff I wanted whenever I was going to bigger supermarkets.

When I began to travel with my van, I felt great pressure from the vanlife community to go wild camping.
When I talk to other vanlifers, in person, in forums or on socials, one of the first questions that come up in the conversation is: Do you sleep in the wild or go to a camping place/paid place?
If the answer is: I sleep in the wild, I often get answers like: "ah, yeah is so cool" accompanied by a smile.
If the answer is: I do go to camping place, I often get answers like: "ah, no, I/we don't do that, it doesn't make sense to spend money and we want to experience the real nature" accompanied by people putting physical distance between us.

Basically, my brain registered:
Wild camping = cool vanlifer
Camping place = fake vanlifer.

Why wild camping is cool?

The idea of traveling in a van is to feel freer, right? You can move whenever and wherever you want.
And what gives more freedom than sleeping under the stars in nature without city lights polluting the sky?
I think most people when hearing "wild camping", thinks:
Freedom, secluded places, nature, and independence.
For me, beneath the coolest of wild camping, there is the idea of being able to survive or at least take care of your basic needs in nature and being able to improvise with what I have around me at the moment.
Therefore, in my mind, a person that does wild camping is someone that knows how to survive and is totally independent and adventurous.
Based on most of the movies I have seen in my life... what else can be cooler than this? :D

Coming from this social idealogy, I put pressure on myself that I must do wild camping otherwise It doesn't make sense to travel in a van, I would have been an impostor, someone that pretends to be a vanlifer.
That didn't allow me to have a good time until I realize what I need in my life and what makes me happy and pursue it is more important than fitting in some social label. At least for me.
So I want to share here the process that brought me to realize what is best for me with the hope it will save some hard time for others.

Pro and cons of wild camping

I do believe that wild camping gives amazing freedom and an independent feeling.

PRO
Being one with nature: Being able to camp in the middle of a forest, in front of a secluded lake, or at the bottom of a mountain, is amazing.
I believe human beings get a tremendous benefit from being in contact with nature and being far from any civilization, immerse in nature gives this calm, peaceful, and grounded feeling.

Challenge yourself: If you live in a van or are thinking about it, you are probably someone that is ok with giving up some comfort and challenge yourself a bit. Camping in nature means you will have to take care of different basic human needs like: Going to the "loo", wash your dishes/clothes/your self, figure out some ways to hang your stuff (while camping there is always the need to hang something! :D), take care of your trash(yes, also the stuff you used to clean your self after going to the "toilet") and so on.
Those are just the minimum required tasks to care about.
If you are in the mood of challenging yourself more, there are plenty of other tasks: make a fire to warm you up or to cook, build some kind of tool you probably will need and don't have with you (fork/spoon/pocking stick/table/box, ...).
This can be very fun and satisfying new skills to learn.
Knowing these kinds of skills makes me feel a bit more prepared to survive in case I don't have all the technology or commodities with me.

Saving money: That's also a big pro. Being in nature is of course free. No service means also no maintenance and therefore no extra cost.
If you would pay 15 euro in a camping place, a week in nature could save you 100 euro. Not so bad.

CONS
Being completely alone: I consider myself 50% extrovert and 50% introverted. I like being alone, once I lived for two months completely alone and I enjoy it.
Anyway, I don't love to be always alone, sometimes I want human contact.
Specifically, while traveling meeting people is what enriches me and makes me grow as a human.
Wild camping is great but it doesn't allow me to get in contact with many new people.

Not experience local culture: I realize that if I always stay in the wild, is way more difficult to get in contact with locals and therefore to get to know the culture of the country I'm discovering.
The result is I spend a month or two in a place and I know just the shape of the mountains or the hiking trails but I have no idea how people talk, interact or enjoy their evening.
Not what I'm looking for.

Difficult to settle down: This might depend a lot on the country where you are but Europe in particular, where most of the countries don't allow wild camping, wild camping means being always ready to move.
Therefore don't think about settling down the big nice awning, the chairs, table and side table. The idea is to be able to leave the place within 5-10mins, so I personally get very minimal and essential with my setup when I do wild camping.
I'm ok with that, I don't need much of setup most of the time but sometimes, in particular, when I have lots of work or some important meeting, I want to know I can stay in one place for longer without worry that I might need to move the van.\

Wild camping as a buzzword

I believe wild camping is nowadays a label, a buzzword.
When I was hearing "wild camping" I immediately thought about some highlander in the middle of a forest or mountain for days, surviving with river water, solar panels, and cooking on the fire.
While traveling and talking with other people traveling with a van, I discover there are a lot of different ways of wild camping and all of them are valid, they just suit better the need of each different traveler and situation.
Wild camping can mean being completely alone in nature for days, weeks living just with what mother nature provides us but can also mean stopping in some amazing natural place while enjoying the comfort of the van like cooking inside or using your own toilet system.
It can also mean stopping renowned wild camping places where you will very likely find other campers.
Stopping in a parking lot near a city center is also a form of wild camping.
Wild camping nowadays mostly means camping somewhere without service. (no proper toilet, no access to electricity or water).
Outside of this definition, everything else is valid.

What has helped me to live a better vanlife

All those informations that I gather while traveling while getting to know myself better and while talking with other travelers, made me realize that:

• Not all the people that do wild camping are highlander that knows how to survive in any wild situation. Actually, very few of them are like that. Therefore, for me, wild camping doesn't necessarily mean being brave, independent, and have a lot of survival skills. This is probably when I define someone as cool, therefore was good to realize not all the people that I talk with are way cooler than me and I'm just a loser that pretends to be a "vanlifer"
• Wild camping is not always what I need and that is OK. As solo traveler, I enjoy sometimes going to places where I can meet other people. I enjoy particularly communities where I can find like-minded people. Stopping in an eco-farm, digital nomads hub, or meditation center gives me the connection I need without taking away the freedom of living in a van.
• I always have to deal with my job. I need a good internet connection to work and I need a quiet environment. When I say "quiet" I don't mean just silence but I also mean knowing that I will be able to work for the next 4-5 hours without being interrupted.
  For these two reasons, wild camping is not always the best option for me. I personally like to organize my work in a way that I do most of the work in two or three days so the other days I'm more relax and I can go wild camping in nature.

The learned lesson

Probably once again the best piece of advice I can give to myself is:
"Stop comparing yourself with others!"
What works for others doesn't necessarily mean is good for me or it should set the bar for my goals.

And in particular: when listening to others experiences, go deeper and ask for more details. I often discover that what I hear within the first sentence and the story I made in my mind about that specific person and his/her story, is not a good reflection of reality.

I would like to write about how to recognize instinct versus fears.
Often people give the advice to "follow your instinct" which I think is great advice but is easier said than done.
I believe that nowadays we need to learn again how to listen to our instinct. It doesn't always come easily, at least to me.

There are times in life and in particular while traveling, where I need to take important decisions.
I'm talking about situations where I need to decide between the comfort of a known situation and the excitement of an unknown situation.
For example: Do I stay another night in this place which I like and feel safe or do I move somewhere new, which can be a potentially amazing or dangerous place?
Or also a situation where my trust could be broken, for example, if I meet a person who asks me for money. Do I trust that this person is genuinely in a difficult time and needs some help or do I think this person is trying to take advantage of my empathy?
And even more important situations like: should I keep traveling and work independently, earning less money, or should I move to a city, join a team in an office and learn and earn more?

In these cases is not always easy to follow my instinct.
My head is often confused and full of contradictory thoughts.
Let's stay with the example of the person asking for help.
My mental activity could be something like:
- "I would like to help, I can give some money/food/clothes/..."
- "The story he/she told me is way too sad, is not possible all those stuff happened to one person, he/she probably made up this story"
- "There are for sure many other people that give him/her money, therefore is not possible that this person is still in a state of need".
And so on and on.

I start to wonder: which one is my instinct? The one that is telling me to help this person or the one that is telling me to watch out for potential fraud?

Fears can dress up like instinct

I wish someone would have told me a long time ago that fears can dress as instinct.
Yes, sometimes what I feel is not my instinct but the fears that prevent me from experiencing new things, convincing me that what I want to do is dangerous (physically or mentally).
I want to share here what has helped me and is still helping me to spot which one is the "voice" of my instinct.
There are different tools that I use in those situations.
Sometimes one works and not the others, sometimes they all work and sometimes none of them work and is better to try again in a different moment.

First method: Listening to the body

I start taking a series of long breaths, close my eyes and stay still.
I try to clear my head as much as possible. It helps me focus on my breath or the little spot between a breath in and a breath out.
Then, I wait for something to happen inside of me.
First thought: 'I want to help this person. I trust he/she is saying the truth and I don't care if it turns out to be a fraud.'
I can feel it as a firework in my stomach. A clear input comes from the center of my body, going in an uplifting direction.
And then a very short moment of silence.
Right after it, another thought: "Yeah but this story about his father is way too absurd! It cannot be true, it must be a fraud"
A feeling of tension arises in my chest and shoulder area.
After that, many other confusing thoughts with many "if" and "but".
I have some experience with bodywork, enough to know how my body reacts to fear or to excitement.
Uplifting and explosive feeling for me means: Yes, I want this!
Closure and tension mean: I'm afraid!
At that point, I knew that the right thing to do FOR ME was to help that person.
This technique is based on listening to body reactions, therefore I needed to learn what are signals that my body gives to me in the case of a "Yes" or "No".
In the case you need to re-learn like me, there are a lot of workshops around the world and many amazing teachers that can help you learn how to listen to your body.
I didn't find a clear definition of this technique but you could search for "bodywork", "somatic bodywork", "consense bodywork".

Second method: Projection of the situation

Once again I start taking some deep breaths (usually around 3) and focus on what is inside my head, instead of focusing on external inputs like sounds.
I try to clear my head as much as I can. This can take some time.
Once my head is calm enough, I try to imagine myself in the first case scenario.
In our example, the first case is when I give money/clothes/food to this person.
I begin thinking and visualizing: "I'm in the parking lot outside the supermarket, talking with this person and listening to his/her story".
Here is important to try to image as many details as possible.
Am I standing? Are we one in front of each other? How are we dress? Are we smiling or not?
And so on.

When I'm caught in the story, I move on.
"I'm giving money/food to this person". What happens here? Am I smiling? Is this person smiling? This person is staying there with me or has he/she run away?
What are my body sensations? Do I feel happy? Sad? Fearful? Grateful?
How do we leave each other, with a hug? With handshaking? Or maybe without any touch? How does this make me feel?
And so on.

Once I'm satisfied with the first scenario, I go to the second one and repeat the same exercise.
For me, in this exercise, is important to not force my imagination but rather give some small inputs and let my head do the rest.
Is also important for me to not judge my body sensation straight away, not try to make any analysis or to drove any conclusion right away.
I see myself mostly as a silent recorder. I register all that is happening in me and leave it there.
Later on, when the exercise is done, I will have the time to take a little distance from the whole situation and make my analysis based on my body sensation.

Third method: Externalize the internal dialogue

There are times when my head is way too chaotic.
I try to sit down and clear my head, I do as many breaths I can and use all the meditation exercises I ever try in my life.. but nothing! No way I can calm my mind.
Is like a political debate, many different voices and opinions keep overcoming each other.
In this case, writing helps me a lot.
Some people find it useful to write in a "Diary style".
For me, it works more to write in "Dialogue style".
I write exactly what all those different voices say in my head. I literally write down my thoughts.
I like to make it fun as well and make fun of my craziness so I write the different voices in a bubble style on a piece of paper. Like a comics strip where there are just dialogue and no characters.

In our example it would go something like:
voice one: "I want to help this person. He/she need help"
voice two: "Don't say bullshit. Is obviously a fraud. Look how she/he is dress. And this super sad story of his/her life? It cannot be true c'on! How can you be such a fool?"
voice one: "Well, but I think nobody likes to stay in such condition, begging people for help. It must be true."
voice three: "Alright, let's say you go there and give money. Will this help this person? will you change his/her life? You should give him/her a job, not money. I think you just want to feel you are a good person"
And so on and so on.

I keep going until I feel my head is calmer and I don't have so many thoughts coming and going all the time.
Then I leave the written dialogue there and I read it again after some time.
Is then usually easier for me to spot which one is my fear and later analyze if makes sense or not to listen to it.

What do you gain by following your instinct

The great thing about following your instinct is that you are being true to yourself.
When I follow my instinct I feel that I'm doing something because is what I really want, is what makes me evolve as a human being and it makes me feel grounded, stable and calm.
Even when turns out to be wrong, it is still not a bad feeling because I know I did what I did consciously and I didn't betray myself.

If I decided to move away from a comfortable and secure place to one that is unknown and when I get there is a bad place, I don't think all the negative thoughts like: "You see, I should have stayed in the first place", "I knew it would have been disaster coming here" and so on since I know I decided to move because I want to experience something new. And I was also aware that this new place could have been not so good.

Trauma and negative thoughts

One last thing: These kinds of techniques worked well for me. I believe can work well for many other people and I hope they can help someone else out there to have a better and smoother traveling experience.
Anyway, that doesn't mean they work for everybody
In particular people with trauma or mental disorder like depression or anxiety can have a really hard time getting out of the loop of negative thoughts.
Indeed, it took me also some time to get to this point.

First I had to do some grounding work to recognize my negative thoughts, then I was able to separate those thoughts from who am I, how I define myself and understand them as just something that happens in my mind. And this is not necessarily the truth or the reality, is just a thought. (If I think I'm stupid doesn't mean I am actually stupid, is just what my mind produces in that moment.)
In this case, I would definitely suggest the support of a trauma-informed therapist.

Often one of the first things people ask me when I say I'm traveling alone is: aren't you afraid?
Depending on the culture, a woman traveling alone is at least unusual.
I will tell you a secret: I used to be afraid. A lot!
More than afraid I should say I was often very anxious.
Anxiety has its roots in fear but what I was feeling in my body I would describe as anxiety.

What are my fears as solo traveler?

I did already travel alone other times.
Not in a van, not completely in the wild nature tho.
I mostly stayed in cities or at least villages.
In the past, I never experience this anxiety nor any kind of fear (except in some specific situations) so I start to wonder... Why was I so anxious during this solo travel in a van? What was I so afraid of?

I start to mentally list the situations that made me fearful or anxious:

• I was afraid of the car breaking down and that I would not be able to recognize how bad the damage is or not make it in time to go to the mechanic and therefore get stuck in the middle of nowhere, without the possibility to get help.
• I was afraid of getting stuck with my van on a small road and not being able to get out of that road anymore. I was so angry at myself for fearing this because going on little side roads and exploring the unknown is exactly the kind of experience that often leads me to beautiful secluded places. The only thing that was holding me back from experience those moments, was me! Argh!!
• I was also afraid of police coming by and "scolding" me for being in an area where I was not allowed to be.

Looking at all those fearful situations with a bit of distance, I realize what made me anxious was general unexpected troubles.
It scared me the idea of dealing with something that I was not prepared to deal with and I also had no energy to deal with.
Another important bit of all the story was to recall that while I was traveling with a partner, I almost didn't have those fears.
Of course, traveling with someone else gives strength. If I cannot fix the situation maybe the other person will know how to do it. Or at least can help.
This made me realize another bigger fear: Not being able to get support when I needed it.
The dear old fear of being alone, right?

Recognizing my fears

So what did it change, how did I overcome those fears?
Human connection!
I don't have to forget that if this society exalts individuality, the truth is that we are social animals and we feel safer and have more chances to survive when we are in groups.
I start talking with other travelers and ask about their experiences.
Without much of a surprise man solo travelers (I didn't meet a woman solo traveler yet) told me they neverWhich made me realize: experience those fears. They had some fears, of course, who doesn't but not as much as I did.

A friend shared with me how he overcomes his fear while doing the Camino.
He suggested I embrace my fears.
I love and hate those kinds of advice. What the hell exactly means to "embrace my fears"? Is there some kind of step-by-step book on how to do it?
The only thing I knew is that I felt fear in my body.
So I started from there.

When I was feeling afraid of a specific situation, I was taking a moment and feeling the fear in my body and just stay still and experience it.
Then I meditate on what exactly is behind all of these little fears:
Fear of dying. Was a big one.
Also, fear of being alone.
In the end, we always come back to those primitive fears.

Overcoming the fear of dying

I overcome the fear of dying mostly just with the realization of it.
From that moment on, whenever I feel anxious I take a moment, take a deep breath and ask myself, how many chances there are that I'm gonna die now? How many chances that I'm gonna seriously hurt myself?
Most of the time the answer is: none.
If the answer is: "many!" but I still really want to do the thing that made me feel like that, the next question is: Would I be happy if I would die today?
And most of the time the answer is yes.
I have no regrets in my life and I know I would die being happy.

Overcoming the fear of being alone

About the fear of being alone, well, I just stop to believe I must do everything alone.
For a long time, I was convinced that I must do everything by myself. That was for various reasons like the need to feel independent to feel accomplished, demonstrate to others that I can do it, not wanting to bother others, fear the contact with new people, ...
I kept sharing my fears with other travelers and I discover that people do crazy stuff like crossing ten different countries hitchhiking or host random strangers they just met in a street...
I realize out there there are a lot of good people, people that just want to connect or keep doing their things.
Basically, if I approach people with an open heart and trust my intuition (you need to know how to listen to your gut before, but once it's done, go for it!), is very unlikely I will end up in a weird situation.

Listening to my instinct: a practical example

One day while I was driving around looking for a place to spend the night and I saw a man hitchhiking.
As soon as I saw this person, I felt the urge to stop by and give him a ride.
I never gave a ride to someone hitchhiking before.
I never gave a ride to a complete stranger for any other reason before.
I grow up with the teaching to not give confidence to unknown people.
Absolutely to not let a complete stranger come in my car, even worst if he is a man and I'm alone. We all know how all those horror movies end up, right?
Yet, something inside of me told me to stop.

Recently I met other travelers that told me about the beauty of traveling hitchhiking, I value those people as kind and curious.
And mostly, as very normal people that enjoy travel in this particular way; some because of budget reason, others because of the special connection generates between people that share such a deep act of trust. None of them because they wanted to harm others.

While I was looking for a space to stop my car, all kind of fears starts to arise in my mind:
"What if he is gonna try to harm me?"
"What if he is gonna try to have sex with me?"
"What if he will steal my stuff?"
"What if he is annoying/smell bad/don't speak any English/..."
"Am I crazy, I know I don't have to do this kind of stuff!"
"If he will kill me, is my fault and I cannot complain"
Well, I couldn't complain anyway because I would be dead but you got the gist.
I realize those thoughts starting to come up in my mind and I immediately recognize them as fears.
I labeled them as fear and let them "die" in my head.

My instinct was still there, strong and clear: I want to stop and help this person.
So did I. And I met an amazing traveler which we discovered to have lots of things in common.
We end up spending three days together and he shared with me lots of great tips and connections about the place I was heading next.
Thanks to this connection I made many others later on my trip.
But mostly, I got a new friend.

Just to be clear, is not always like that.
I also had situations where I interacted with nice and helpful people which they invited me for a beer/coffee/whatever with them and I kindly declined.
Sometimes, regardless of the situation appearing safe or not, my instinct says "no" and I trust is good to listen to my fears. And that's what I do.

Travelers find always a solution!

The last important sharing from other travelers was listening to people telling stories where they had to turn 7m vans on a border of a cliff or when they ended up in a very steep little road with no exit and needed to go back in reverse gear...
in the end, they made it, they are fine and they didn't die. It wasn't easy but they handle the situation.
Which made me realize:

A. There is always a way to solve the situation. No panic! Slowly, slowly everything will get solved. Maybe it will take me 100 little turns to move the van and 2 hours but I will manage it.

B. There is always plan B which is: asking for help. There will be very likely someone around to help, a mechanic or a tow truck to call.
Yeah, it will be annoying, I will lose time and spend money BUT I will not die! And I will not handle the situation completely alone.

In a nutshell, how I overcome my fears:

To wrap up, I start to overcome my fears with introspective work and connection with like-minded people.

I now believe in the process, believe that life will bring me what I most need at that moment.

I also start to believe I'm the person that knows better what is best for me. Not others, me, and my gut feeling!