Choosing the life you want

"You are so lucky, you travel all the time"
"You are living the dream!"
"With your job is easy"
"You can do this life because you have no kids/family/old parents/..."

These are just some of the comments that I and many other travelers I met, heard all the time when talking about our lifestyle as full-time travelers. And to be honest, they really piss me off.
Vanlife, full-time travelers, cyclists, ... are not lucky, are brave.
We didn't win the lottery, we don't just have a great time all the time, we didn't simply wake up one day, decide to travel full time and all the rest of our life magically fit in this new lifestyle.
I worked hard to get where I am.
I worked hard to get a job that allows me to fully work remotely, I turn down lots of interesting offers because they wouldn't allow me to work remotely, I consciously decided to focus on my career for 3 years so I had enough experience and confidence to work remotely from anywhere, I had to deal with my family and friends's fears and I had to deal with my own fears.
I had to let people go from my life, I had to take decisions that would allow me to be always "free" like not taking a dog, which is one of my fear of regret.

Mental resilience

To me, choosing the life I want like full-time traveling means being mentally strong.
To me, choosing the life I want, is about facing my fears, facing my dark side, growing up from childhood, stopping repeating my parent's patterns, looking into myself, what I want for my life, and what I need in order to be happy.
Start to make my own choices and stop living a life that I think someone else wants me to live.
This is not easy; this often means hurting people I love, facing my family, partner or closest friends; constantly reevaluating my job and the opportunities I have.
It means having the courage to start my life over again.
And again and again.
It means also stop playing the victim and start taking responsibility for my life, it means living each situation and encounter as a learning experience rather than something is happening to me.
Stop reacting and start acting.

How to start living the life you want:

• Take your time and spot what you really want from your life. Not what you think will make you accepted by others.
  Whenever you find yourself battling between two life decisions, is very likely that one is the one you want and the other is the one you think someone else wants you to do (your parents, society, your partners, your children, your boss, ...).
  If you find yourself complaining often about your life, daydreaming about some other lifestyle or someone else lifestyle, is very likely you are living a life that is not the one you choose for yourself.

• Inform yourself about the lifestyle you want to pursue: how to start, what other people do, what are the possible obstacles, is there anything you can prepare ahead, ...
  read books, blogs, watch videos, follow people on social media, join online communities and ask questions.

• Do baby steps!
  I certainly didn't start a life in a van in a day. I started doing some weekends half an hour away from my city and then went away for some days.
  After that, I did 2 months of travel. Then I started traveling again from a known location to another known location until the day that I felt ready to do long time traveling.
  Maybe some people can make these decisions over a night, buy a van, sell everything, give up their home and start traveling. Good for them.
  Still, doesn't mean it has to work for you too. Do what makes you feel safe. You don't want to overwhelm yourself to the point that you give up the idea of following your dream life. One thing at the time!

• Recognize your fear and push yourself to face your fears. What makes you more anxious when you think about changing your life? Do you have to deal with your partner's expectations? Are you leaving a secure job? Running out of money?
  Start from there and try to figure out what is behind those fears. Do you fear to leave your partner because secretly you believe you will end up alone? Inquire yourself.

• Recognize when other's tips are out of their own fears or fact-based concerns.
  People will always comment on your non-traditional decisions. Learn to recognize if those comments are based on real fact or their own fears i.e.: "Are you traveling alone in XX country? Is very dangerous, you probably end up getting robbed."
  Go check in traveler communities, is this country really at risk? How is life there? Ask people that have been there recently.
  Don't let other fears put you down.

• Prepare yourself to be mentally resilient: Do yoga, meditation, martial arts, whatever works for you to help you increase your resilience and be more aware of your mental process.
  Yoga helps to stay there and experience pain. Meditation help to be more aware of your mental activities and recognize if what you think is a real danger or some inner and older fear that is playing over and over in your mind.
  Choose the technique you like and learn to deal with emotional pain.

• Lower your expectation. Don't think that suddenly everything will be amazing just because you are doing what you love.  
  Don't let social media enchant you, daily life is another story.
  Challenges and difficulties are in every kind of lifestyle, in any situation. There will be amazing times but also hard times.
  But if you keep working on yourself, you will be prepared and will be able to overcome those challenging times faster and therefore focus on the good ones.