Is October, the weather slowly becomes chill, and is time to put away shorts and tank-top.
Currently, I'm in Albania and it has been bad weather for two weeks, with lots of rain and strong wind.
In this post, I want to talk about the bad days during vanlife and how I overcame my bad days.
During those two weeks of bad weather wasn't always fun to camp outside, explore cities, and generally live in a van.
I traveled to Albania with the expectation to have warm weather till October/November therefore I was surely not happy with the weather situation.
In these days I met many other travelers and the topic was recurrent:
Bad days while camping or having a life on the road.
I was surprised to realize that a lot of people see solo travel challenging not because of practical challenges on the road like getting stuck somewhere, flatting a wheel, or breaking any vital part of the van but mostly because of mental challenges.
They asked me how I deal with bad days without the support of others cheering me up.
This made me meditate on something: The real challenges and limits are always in our minds. If we manage to deal with the fears and setbacks created by our minds, we can really and truly do anything.
Well, maybe not literally everything, in some situations we also need a bit of preparation :D
A bad day in vanlife
I want to share an example of a bad day.
I was traveling since a week and a half with other travelers, I spent four days in a city and two of these were in a parking spot in the city center.
I had a great time but now I was craving for some alone time in nature, where I could get a bath, have a chill time reading a book or talking with some friends.
It was also my training day, so I was dreaming to find this amazing spot in nature, green and calm, near a lake or river where I could spend some quiet time.
I start looking for a place and went near what google maps shows as a river.
When I arrived at the place, the river was dry, the wind start to blow really strong and it started to rain.
It was getting late so I decided that the place was good enough. At least had most of the check I was looking for: alone, in nature, and a nice spot to do my training. I could still use water in my van to wash myself up.
I went in back gear to park without realizing a rock was on the way (small but high enough; subtle nasty rock!) and I got stuck.
It started to rain pretty bad.
After trying to get unstack several times, I put on my raincoat and went to look for some humans that could help me.
Luckily, some house was in 10mins distance and after half an hour I was free again.
At that point It was almost dark and I still have to do my training.
I pushed myself a bit and did my training under a light rain.
Was finally time for the shower but when I open the water almost nothing came out and I realize my battery was empty!
I was quite annoyed by that. I just drove 2 hours and the battery should have been charged!
(I then discover my battery alternator had a fault. If you want to know how to prevent electrical problems check out this post)
I manage to wash up at least the important parts of my body but the battery was still empty, which means I couldn't charge anything.
Internet was also almost not existing therefore my plans to spend the evening doing some work, hearing from some friends or planning a bit my next days, were gone!
The night was terrible. There was a storm, it rained like hell and there was a very, very strong wind.
The van was shaking all the time and it kept me awake most of the night.
Fun time!
Now, this is a relatively bad day in vanlife.
Is one of those days where I dream about a warm home, with a nice and cozy sofa, where I can have a warm shower while my pizza is baking in the oven and the only thing I need to worry about is which Netflix series to pick for the evening. (Btw, let's not underestimate the task of picking a Netflix series!!).
Those are the days that if you travel in company, it's relieving to rant about the bad day with a friend or let your partner wrap you up in a blanket and pamper you with a warm tea or glass of wine
How I overcome my bad days during vanlife
While talking with other travelers about the bad weather in Albania, I realized I often don't get caught up in this state of bad mood anymore.
I used to have these bad days. I used to feel demoralized, to want to quit, to feel lonely, and to want someone to support me. I don't have those moments anymore.
Once I realize this shift in my mood, I start to think about what changed and how come I don't have those mentally challenging days anymore. Maybe I become an experienced traveler and bad stuff doesn't happen to me anymore?
Mhm, nope! The example above shows that bad stuff still happens to me. I still have car electric problems, I still put high expectations for my day that I cannot always fulfill, I still get stuck, ... so what has changed?
Funny enough, in those days I was listening to a podcast some friends suggested to me months ago. Is Tim Ferriss having a conversation with Jim Dethmer: How to Shift from Victim Consciousness, Reduce Drama, Practice Candor, Be Fully Alive, and More (#434)
I would truly recommend anyone to listen to this podcast episode. It has so many good insights on how to have a better life and improve our human relationships!
Among many other interesting things, Jim Dethmer talked about different states of consciousness and how we deal with the content of life.
He explains there are 4 states of consciousness: to me, by me, has me, and through me.
Right now I want to focus just on "to me" and "by me".
I invite you to listen to the podcast if you want to know about the other two-state.
The bottleneck of the story is, we can have a good or bad time solely based on how we decided to live a certain life experience.
Is actually not a new concept.
I'm sure everyone had the situation where while complaining about cold weather, someone replay with something like: "is not cold if you don't think is cold." Or the lovely german saying: "There is no bad weather, just wrong clothes"
The way how Jim Dethmer explains this concept gives such clarity to the whole topic and makes it easy to actually recognize that state of mind and have a conscious shift which leads to having a better time.
Dethmer explains: There is context and content.
Content is life content. Can be weather, job interview, lunch with families... literally anything happening in our life.
Context describes how we have been with the content of our life.
To me
One context is "to me":
It means I'm at the effect of life, affect of people, condition, and circumstances.
Life is happening to me, is victimhood state of mind.
By me
Another context is "by me":
This is creatorship, is a state of empowerment. I'm not anymore at the effect of, I'm the creator of and responsible for my experience.
He brings the example of the Coronavirus situation: Corona situation is a fact, we are in a weird period of time where out there this "corona situation". Regardless of what your beliefs are, it is out there; people talk about it, there are regulations, and dealing with life is different than what it used to be some years ago. Is a fact.
The relationship we have with the virus is our responsibility.
We can be in fear of the virus, we can be in denial or we take responsibility for how I'm gonna deal with it.
Let's take a simpler example: bad weather.
I came to Albania in October to have a longer summer.
I ended up spending the last two weeks mostly in my van, with long sleeves and long pants and a big blanket in the night.
I could simply say: "The weather is so bad, I'm just unlucky and this is not fair" and spend those two weeks in a bad mood, complaining about how wet everything was, how cold and unpleasant the days were.
I indeed had such a moment at the beginning of those weeks. I was insisting to wear summer clothes ending up being quite cold and complaining about how cold it was.
At one point I realize I was just arming myself with those thoughts and laughed at myself thinking: "Is October and I'm going around with shirts instead of a big coat as I used to do when I lived in Germany. Not so bad after all."
After some thinking, I realize that what Jim Dethmer talked about is exactly what I do most of the time I have a bad day.
When I got stuck in the car, for a moment I was angry. I was angry at the weather for being so shitty and then I start to redirect the anger to myself, thinking
"Why didn't I go to a camping place?"
"Now I will not be able to do my training and all my effort will blow up"
"I should never have come here, is everything horrible"
Then I realize all my mental crazy activities and I thought:
"ok, wait a minute, take a deep breath, close your eyes for a second. If I go on like this, I will just end up in a place I'm not happy with, without doing anything of the things I was planning to do and being angry all night.
I know I can solve relatively fast the problem of getting unstuck and then still do my training. Yes, it's raining but is not such strong rain and I wanted to shower anyway after it."
Jim Dethmer put it in an elegant way:
"I started to be curious about my experience and play around with what I had."
Take responsibility for the situation I am in:
In simple steps how to shift from "to me" to "by me":
- Realize I am in a "to me" state. How?
If I make a sentence with "to me" in it "Why is this happening to me?".
If I'm angry at a situation or a place. If I am angry at someone else or at "they": "She shouldn't have do that" "They should have give me more support", "Government should know better how to deal with xxx" - When I realize I am in this state, I take a moment, take a deep breath (or two, three, ...) and try to clear my mind as much as I can.
Then I ask myself some questions:
- Can I solve this problem? Is there anything I have the power to do to change the situation?
- What can I learn from this situation? Is there any life lessons or something I can improve/remember?
- What can I play with, in this situation? Is there any way I can change this situation in a way that is more funny or interesting to me?
- Can I think about another solution that is completely different from what I plan to do but will still give me a good time?
In my specific case, I creatively solved my problem, walking fast to a farmer and asking for help. In half an hour I was unstuck and free again.
I creatively solve the problem of the shower and empty battery, showering just the important part of my body while taking the decision that the day after my first priority would have been to fix the battery and the second priority was to have a real shower, instead of going to the mountains as I planned to.
It wasn't the best day of my trip but it wasn't so bad as it could have been.
The day after I woke up early and went to the first big city, I spend the whole day in the garage and fix all my van problems and end my day in a camping place where I had a restoring warm shower and a great night sleep.
This day was indeed a very good one, one of those days that I felt truly happy and fulfill with my life.
Maybe the two things were a bit connected? ;)
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